Many adults carry invisible wounds that had their origins in their childhood. They began in a classroom, playground, neighbourhood, and other spaces. For many children, bullying is not a passing phase. It is an experience that quietly shapes how they see themselves, how they trust others, and how they navigate relationships for years to come.

A cruel nickname repeated every day. Being left out of every game. Rumours whispered behind their back. Teachers dismissing concerns as “children being children.” Parents being told their child is “too sensitive.”

The recent Deccan Herald article, “When Cries for Help Go Unheard: The Lifelong Scars of School Bullying,” brings attention to this often-overlooked reality through the stories of survivors whose emotional pain continued long after they left school. My views on the psychological impact of bullying were featured in the article, highlighting why children’s pleas for help should never be dismissed.

https://www.deccanherald.com/amp/story/india/karnataka/bengaluru/when-cries-for-help-go-unheard-the-lifelong-scars-of-school-bullying-4073817

Bullying Doesn’t End When School Ends

Many people assume that childhood bullying is something children eventually “grow out of.”

The truth is more complicated. While the bullying may stop, the situation may change over time, yet the beliefs children develop about themselves often remain.

Children naturally depend on adults to help them make sense of difficult experiences. When those adults fail to recognise or respond to bullying, children frequently draw painful conclusions:

• Something must be wrong with me.
• I deserve to be treated this way.
• Nobody will protect me.
• Speaking up doesn’t help.

These beliefs rarely stay confined to childhood. They often become the foundation for anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, perfectionism, people-pleasing, over-compensation, difficulties trusting others in adulthood, etc.

When Children’s Cries for Help Go Unheard

In the Deccan Herald article, I shared an observation I see repeatedly in therapy:

When children’s repeated cries for help are dismissed, they often begin to believe something is inherently wrong with them. During their growing years, this message can become deeply internalised, leaving them vulnerable to anxiety, depression and low self-worth well into adulthood.

This is perhaps one of the most damaging consequences of bullying. The child is no longer only fighting the bully. They begin fighting themselves. Their inner dialogue slowly becomes another bully, criticising, doubting and blaming them long after the original bullying has ended.

Isolation or being excluded Can Hurt as Much as Physical Bullying

When people think about bullying, they often imagine physical aggression. But emotional exclusion can be equally devastating. Being deliberately ignored, excluded from group activities, classmates who refuse to speak to you, erstwhile friends now no longer.  Watching everyone else belong while you stand alone.

Social isolation sends a powerful psychological message to children: You don’t belong.

Because human beings are wired for connection, repeated experiences of exclusion activate the same emotional pain pathways associated with physical injury. This can result in feelings of loneliness, shame, social anxiety and chronic self-doubt that persist for years or may show up when facing stressful situations even in adulthood.

The Long-Term Mental Health Effects of Bullying

Research consistently shows that prolonged bullying increases the risk of:

• Anxiety disorders
• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Social anxiety
• Difficulty trusting others
• Challenge managing emotions
• Relationship challenges
• Self-harm and suicidal thoughts in severe cases

Many adults seeking therapy today are not simply processing recent stress. They are revisiting experiences from childhood that were never acknowledged or healed.

Why Some Children Never Tell Anyone

Adults often ask
“Why didn’t they tell someone?”
Many children do.
The bigger question is:
“What happened after they did?”

When their concerns are minimised…
If they’re told to “ignore it”…
Or teachers defend the bullies or don’t take it seriously…
If parents dismiss it as normal…

Children quickly learn that asking for help is unsafe. Silence becomes a survival strategy. Ironically, this silence is many a time mistaken for resilience.

What Parents and Schools Can Do Differently

Preventing lifelong emotional harm requires more than anti-bullying policies. It requires availability of emotionally safe adults for children. Parents and educators can make an enormous difference by:

• Taking every report of bullying seriously. Offering a safe space for children to express their feelings and share their experiences/
• Listening without immediately offering solutions or judgment. The more the adults are into devices, the less listening the children get.
• Looking beyond physical injuries to notice emotional withdrawal or any significant changes in behaviour.
• Encouraging children to describe their experiences without fear of blame.
• Responding consistently rather than treating incidents as isolated events.
• Taking appropriate action commensurate to the incident.  Teachers can discuss with colleagues and seniors to arrive at solutions.
• Having a firm policy around bullying and ensuring that all students, teachers and parents are aware of it and collaborate to ensure a safe environment for all.
• Creating classrooms where empathy and inclusion are actively practised.

Children may forget every lesson taught in school. But they rarely forget whether they felt safe there.

Healing Is Possible

Adults who experienced bullying often believe they should have “moved on by now.” Healing doesn’t happen because time passes.  Healing happens when painful experiences are finally understood, validated and processed.

Therapy can help people recognise that the shame they carry was never theirs to begin with. As they rebuild self-worth and healthier ways of relating to others, many discover that their childhood no longer has to define their future. The scars may tell a story, but they do not have to write the ending.

Read the Full Article

My comments on the lifelong psychological impact of school bullying were featured in the Deccan Herald article:

When Cries for Help Go Unheard: The Lifelong Scars of School Bullying

Final Thoughts

Bullying is often dismissed as a childhood experience that children will eventually “grow out of.” Yet for many adults, the echoes of those experiences continue to influence confidence, relationships and mental wellbeing decades later.

Every child deserves to know that when they speak up, someone will listen and that they will be believed and supported in their difficult experience. Because sometimes the most powerful intervention is not having the perfect answer. It is making sure a child never has to feel alone in their pain.

Also read 5 ways by which we inadvertently encourage or condone online bullying/shaming/trolling | Inner Dawn Counselling

About the Author

Kala Balasubramanian is a Psychotherapist, CTA, PTSTA (Psychotherapy), Trainer, Supervisor, and Founder of Inner Dawn Counselling and Training Services LLP. She works with individuals, couples, groups, and organisations to foster emotional wellbeing, healthier relationships, resilience, and psychologically safe workplaces. Her work focuses on helping people understand the impact of stress, relationships, communication patterns, and emotional health on everyday life.

The post Bullying, Scars that last from school to adult life first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

How long commutes and facing traffic snarls is affecting mental health negatively, fueling stress, burnout, and poor Work-Life Balance in cities like Bengaluru.

Every morning, millions of people set out for work expecting to arrive at their destination. What they don’t expect is to arrive mentally exhausted before the workday has even begun.

In Bengaluru, where traffic congestion has become an accepted part of everyday life, commuting is no longer just a transportation issue. It has evolved into a significant mental health challenge, quietly affecting stress levels, relationships, workplace productivity, and overall quality of life.

As featured in a recent Deccan Herald article, “Bengaluru traffic: Long commutes fuel stress and drain workplace productivity,” psychotherapist Kala Balasubramanian (Inner Dawn) explains that the emotional consequences of prolonged commuting are often underestimated. While people may accept traffic as unavoidable, the human mind and body continue to pay the price every single day.

Read the original Deccan Herald article here:
https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/the-toll-of-snarls-frayed-nerves-falling-productivity-4070766

Commute Stress: The Invisible Burden We Carry Every Day

When discussing traffic, conversations usually revolve around lost hours, poor infrastructure, or delayed meetings. Rarely do we talk about what those hours are doing to our emotional wellbeing.

A long commute exposes individuals to continuous uncertainty.
Will there be another traffic jam?
Will I be late for work?
Will my manager understand?
Will I reach home in time to spend time with my family?

These questions may seem ordinary, but together they keep the body’s stress response activated for extended periods. Our nervous system is designed to help us cope with occasional challenges. It is not designed to remain in a heightened state of alert for several hours every day. Over weeks and months, this constant activation contributes to what psychologists call chronic stress, which can eventually affect both physical and mental health.

Why Bengaluru Traffic Is Becoming a Mental Health Issue

Bengaluru has earned global recognition as India’s technology capital. Unfortunately, it has also become synonymous with long travel times and unpredictable congestion. Many professionals spend two to four hours commuting each day. That is time taken away from Sleep and Relaxation, Exercise, Family Time, Hobbies, Social connections, Personal growth and more.

These activities are not luxuries. They are essential ingredients for good mental health.

When commuting consumes these opportunities consistently, people begin to experience what researchers describe as time poverty. Even if they enjoy their jobs, they have little energy left to enjoy the rest of their lives. This imbalance gradually erodes work-life balance, leaving many people feeling that life revolves entirely around work and traffic.

Why Long Commutes Affect Emotional Wellbeing and affect Mental Health?

In the Deccan Herald feature, Kala Balasubramanian highlights that the effects of long commutes extend far beyond temporary frustration.

Every stressful commute consumes emotional resources.

When people repeatedly begin and end their day in a heightened state of stress, they often have less patience, reduced emotional flexibility, and diminished resilience when facing everyday challenges.

The impact is cumulative rather than immediate.

Someone who experiences chronic commuting stress may begin to notice:

• Increased irritability
• Emotional exhaustion
• Difficulty concentrating
• Reduced motivation
• Poor decision-making
• Lower frustration tolerance
• Sleep disturbances
• More frequent conflicts at home and work

Many people assume they simply need a holiday. In reality, they may be experiencing the gradual effects of chronic stress exposure.

Recognising commuting as a legitimate contributor to mental health challenges is an important first step toward preventing more serious problems such as anxiety, burnout, and depression.

The Link Between Commute Stress and Burnout

Burnout is often blamed solely on demanding jobs. However, work begins long before employees log into their computers. Imagine spending three hours navigating aggressive traffic, worrying about delays, responding to work messages, and constantly monitoring navigation apps.

By the time the workday starts, a significant portion of mental energy has already been consumed. This is why commuting can become an overlooked contributor to burnout prevention efforts. Burnout develops when prolonged stress exceeds an individual’s capacity to recover.

Long commutes reduce recovery time while simultaneously increasing daily stress. It becomes a perfect recipe for emotional exhaustion.

Employee Wellbeing Starts Before Employees Reach the Office

Many organisations invest heavily in employee wellbeing initiatives. They provide Employee Assistance Programs, which may include counselling services, wellness programmes, preventive training to build resilience, etc.

Provide other benefits like Meditation sessions, Gym memberships, etc.  Yet many employees continue spending several hours every day in one of the most stressful parts of their routine.

Organisations that genuinely prioritise mental health are increasingly recognising the importance of:

• Flexible working hours
• Hybrid work models
• Remote work options where feasible
• Staggered office timings
• Reduced unnecessary travel
• Outcome-based performance rather than presenteeism

These strategies not only reduce stress but often improve productivity, engagement, and employee retention.  Supporting employees before they arrive at work is becoming just as important as supporting them once they are there.

The Ripple Effect on Relationships and Connections

One of the least discussed consequences of long commutes is their impact on personal relationships.

After a long day at work and a commute back, many people return home emotionally depleted.  They may have little energy left for conversations with their family members and partner. Emotional capacity for connections is depleted. They may experience annoyance when children are just being children.  Minor disagreements escalate more quickly. Personal hobbies disappear. Friendships receive less attention.

Over time, families may mistakenly believe the problem lies within the relationship itself, when the underlying issue is chronic stress and emotional fatigue.  Healthy relationships require emotional availability.

Protecting Your Mental Health Despite a Long Commute

While infrastructure improvements require policy changes and long-term planning, individuals can still take meaningful steps to reduce the emotional impact of commuting.

Create a Recovery Ritual

Instead of moving directly from traffic into work, spend five minutes resetting your nervous system. Deep breathing, mindfulness, stretching, or simply sitting quietly can help your brain transition more calmly.

Use the Commute Intentionally

Audiobooks, podcasts, calming music, or guided mindfulness exercises can transform commuting time into something restorative instead of purely stressful.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Avoid checking work emails throughout your commute unless absolutely necessary. Allow commuting to remain a transition period rather than an extension of the workday.

Prioritise Sleep

Long commutes often tempt people to sacrifice sleep. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation magnifies the effects of stress, making emotional regulation even more difficult.

Watch for Warning Signs

If you consistently experience:

• Persistent irritability
• Anxiety
• Difficulty sleeping
• Emotional numbness
• Frequent headaches
• Reduced enjoyment in daily activities

it may be worth seeking professional support before stress progresses into burnout.

What Cities and Employers Can Learn

Urban planning is often discussed in terms of economics, transportation, and environmental sustainability. Mental health deserves an equal place in that conversation.

Shorter commutes are associated with healthier, happier, and more productive communities. Similarly, organisations that recognise commuting as part of employee wellbeing can create healthier workplaces by offering greater flexibility and designing policies that acknowledge the realities of modern urban life.

Supporting mental health requires looking beyond the office walls.

The Road Ahead

• Traffic congestion is measured in kilometres.
• Mental health is measured in moments.
• The missed dinner with family.
• The shortened bedtime story.
• The cancelled evening walk.
• The conversation that never happened because there was no energy left.
• These moments quietly accumulate until stress becomes the new normal.

As Kala Balasubramanian points out in the Deccan Herald article, recognising the psychological burden of long commutes is essential if we are to build healthier individuals, stronger families, and more resilient workplaces.

The conversation about traffic should not end with infrastructure. It should include wellbeing.

Because every hour spent in traffic is also an hour spent using emotional energy that could have been invested in creativity, relationships, recovery, and living a fuller life. The next time we talk about Bengaluru’s traffic, perhaps the most important question is not, “How long did it take to get there?”

It is, “What did the journey cost you emotionally?”

About the Author

Kala Balasubramanian is a Psychotherapist, PTSTA (Psychotherapy), Trainer, Supervisor, and Founder of Inner Dawn Counselling and Training Services LLP. She works with individuals, couples, groups, and organisations to foster emotional wellbeing, healthier relationships, resilience, and psychologically safe workplaces. Her work focuses on helping people understand the impact of stress, relationships, communication patterns, and emotional health on everyday life.

The post The Hidden Mental Health Cost of Long Commutes/traffic snarls first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Bengaluru is often celebrated as India’s innovation capital, attracting thousands of ambitious professionals every year. Yet, beneath the city’s vibrant cafés, thriving tech parks, and bustling social scenes lies a quieter reality: an increasing number of people are struggling with loneliness.

A recent feature in Deccan Herald explores this growing concern and highlights expert perspectives, including Inner Dawn Founder Kala Balasubramanian’s views as a psychotherapist, on why loneliness has become one of the defining emotional challenges of urban living.

The Hidden Cost of Moving to a Big City

Relocating to a new city promises independence, career growth, and exciting opportunities. However, it also means leaving behind familiar support systems, long-standing friendships, and the everyday sense of belonging that develops over years.

For many young professionals, especially those who have moved to Bengaluru for work, the transition can be emotionally demanding. While surrounded by millions of people, they often experience a profound lack of meaningful human connection.

This paradox is becoming increasingly common in cities across the world.

Why Does Urban Loneliness Happen?

Several aspects of modern urban life contribute to loneliness:

• Long working hours leave little time or emotional energy for nurturing relationships.
• Lengthy daily commutes consume hours that could otherwise be spent connecting with friends or family.
• Digital communication often replaces genuine face-to-face interactions, creating the illusion of connection without emotional depth.
• Even at workplace, everyday contact doesn’t mean it will translate into meaningful connections.
• Highly repetitive routines can make life feel transactional rather than relational.
• Many people live in close proximity in apartment complexes yet may not know their own neighbors.
• One may have a big partying circle yet may not have someone to really share their emotions and challenges.

When these factors persist over time, loneliness can become more than an unpleasant feeling. It may increase vulnerability to anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion.

Loneliness Is More Than Being Alone

One of the biggest misconceptions is that loneliness simply means being by yourself.

Many people experience loneliness despite working in busy offices, living with roommates / family or constantly interacting online. Genuine emotional connection cannot be measured by the number of people around us. It is created through trust, vulnerability, and a sense of belonging.

Also read
Does technology overuse lead to more loneliness?
Are you in a Relationship and Still Feeling Lonely?

Modern cities often provide abundant opportunities for networking but relatively few opportunities for deep relationships.

Building Meaningful Connections

Although urban loneliness is a growing concern, it is not inevitable.

Developing meaningful relationships requires intentional effort:

• Participate in communities built around shared interests rather than convenience.
• Create regular opportunities for in-person conversations.
• Invest in friendships before loneliness becomes overwhelming.
• Be interested about others too, without becoming intrusive.
• Maintain connections with family and old friends, even after relocating.
• Seek professional support when loneliness begins affecting emotional wellbeing.

Small, consistent actions often create stronger social foundations than occasional large gestures.

A Conversation around Loneliness is Worth Having

The discussion around loneliness is becoming increasingly important as more professionals relocate for education and work. Recognising loneliness as a genuine psychological experience, rather than a personal weakness, is the first step toward addressing it.

I am grateful to have contributed to this important conversation in Deccan Herald, where I discuss how demanding work schedules, long commutes, digital lifestyles, and repetitive routines can quietly erode meaningful human connection and contribute to anxiety and depression.

You can read the complete article here:

Why Does Bengaluru Feel Lonely?: Deccan Herald feature

As our cities continue to grow, perhaps the next measure of progress should not only be economic opportunity, but also our ability to foster authentic human connection.

The post Loneliness in urban life, challenge in making meaningful connections first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

A recent survey in Bengaluru has sparked urgent conversations among parents, educators, and mental health professionals. With over 11,000 responses, the findings reveal a concerning emotional landscape for children navigating social media and the digital world.

Read the full article here: https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/social-media-linked-to-anxiety-anger-among-children-in-bengaluru-survey-3932228

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on the 15^th March 2026.

What the survey reveals

The data paints an unsettling picture of children’s online experiences:

• 41% of families reported children experiencing fear and anxiety due to negative online interactions
• 31% of children faced cyberbullying or trolling
• 29% encountered blackmail or coercion
• 33% received abusive messages from strangers (Deccan Herald)

This isn’t just about screen time anymore. It’s about physical and emotional safety in digital spaces.

The psychological impact of social media

Social media, when unregulated, is a space of comparison, validation-seeking, and exposure to harm. Children and adolescents are especially vulnerable because their emotional regulation systems are still developing.

The survey links social media exposure to:

• Increased anxiety and fear
• Rising anger and irritability
• Heightened sensitivity to peer validation and rejection
• Exposure to online trolling and bullying
• Online grooming, manipulation, and abuse by catfishing
• Exposure to age-inappropriate content

Over time, this can shape self-worth, relationships, identity and attention span. It also impacts the capacity for empathy adversely and the quality of real-world connections.

Psychotherapist Kala Balasubramanian’s perspective

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian offers a nuanced understanding that moves beyond blaming technology.

• Social media often amplifies existing emotional vulnerabilities, rather than creating them in isolation
• Children lack the psychological tools to process online hostility, making even minor incidents feel overwhelming
• The digital world can blur boundaries, where private emotional experiences become public and persistent
• When children are exposed to screens and online content very early, they get hooked on the dopamine-based addictive content and games.  Social media, short-form videos, and games act like digital drugs, offering dopamine hits through instant rewards and stimulation.
• Mobiles and screens have become the ubiquitous digital pacifier that parents today offer to young children
• When parents themselves immerse themselves in their mobile phones and screens, it is not surprising that the children are as well.  

The conversation cannot be just about restricting access alone, but about building emotional resilience and digital literacy.  Beyond the laws, as a society, we need to take responsibility in our own families, as parents and caregivers.

Why addressing the impact of social media on children matters more than ever

Today’s children are growing up in a hybrid reality where offline and online worlds constantly overlap. A conflict in school doesn’t end at the school gate, it can follow them home through social media and notifications.

Instead of policing screens, can we invite open conversations.

• Create open conversations about online experiences without judgment
• Teach children to recognise unsafe interactions and seek help
• Encourage critical thinking rather than passive consumption
• Model healthy tech boundaries at home

Moving forward: From control to connection

Social media isn’t going away. Laws are being considered to restrict the usage of social media for youngsters.  The goal is not to raise children who fear the digital world, but those who can navigate it with awareness, confidence, and emotional grounding.

Are you concerned about how mobile usage and social media is impacting your child?
Let’s start a conversation. Reach out to explore how therapy and guidance can support your child’s emotional well-being in a digital age. But long before there comes the need for therapy, I believe it is important for parents to build awareness as to the impact of screens and social media on their wards and to address these patterns at the earliest.

The post Damage from social media on children and adolescents first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

In today’s fast-changing relationship landscape, love alone no longer feels like enough. Across Indian cities, a quiet yet powerful shift is unfolding, more individuals and couples are seeking guidance from professionals, choosing premarital counselling before marital commitment, and as a deliberate step toward healthier, stronger relationships.  And the reasons are both cultural and psychological.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 21 January 2026.

https://www.deccanherald.com/lifestyle/spike-in-premarital-counselling-3869069

According to a recent Deccan Herald article, therapists in Bengaluru are witnessing a steady increase in demand for premarital counselling from couples, live-in partners, and individuals preparing for first or second marriages who are seeking relationship guidance, either before tying the knot or to resolve issues in their relationships.

Why Is Premarital Counselling Gaining Popularity?

More people are realising that marriage is not just a romantic decision, but a psychological, emotional and practical partnership.  But this involves other important conversations and agreements on different topics like money, boundaries, future plans, having children, family involvement, etc. Clients seek the support of the counsellor to facilitate these conversations.

Some key reasons behind this rise include:

• Growing awareness about mental health
• Reduced stigma around therapy
• Increased divorce rates prompting prevention over repair
• Diminishing support from family and friends
• Second marriages bring emotional, financial, and family complexities
• Couples wanting deeper compatibility before commitment

Premarital counselling is no longer seen just as a “problem-solving” tool, but also as a way to strengthen relationships and prepare for the relationship responsibilities.

Who can benefit from this process?

Most folks who seek premarital counselling are between 25 and 35 years, though a growing number of individuals in their 40s and beyond are also reaching out, especially those entering second marriages.

This includes:

• Couples who are in a relationship and considering a live-in or marriage
• Live-in partners who may or may not be planning for marriage
• Engaged couples in a love marriage or arranged marriage setting
• Individuals who are considering marriage but are feeling unsure or unclear about it
• Individuals and couples preparing to remarry  

For many, this is about not repeating old patterns and building something healthier this time around.

What Happens in Premarital Counselling?

It is important to get into a marital relationship with expectations that are reasonable and an understanding of what the marital relationship means to both partners.  Lack of knowledge about what marriage entails, the responsibilities that need to be managed, may result in disillusionment and failure of the marital relationship itself. Premarital counselling provides a safe space to explore:

• Communication styles and emotional needs
• Conflict patterns and repair strategies
• Financial beliefs and lifestyle expectations
• Family roles, day-to-day sharing of responsibilities
• Intimacy, trust, and long-term goals
• Conversations around difficult topics like money, boundaries, etc.

Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, couples learn how to have them safely before stress and misunderstandings take root.

How can it help Especially for Second Marriages

Second marriages often carry unspoken fears, past wounds, blended family concerns, and financial complexities. Especially when there are children, co-parenting, visitations involved, etc., there will be a need for continued contact with the ex-spouse/ex-partner, which can create insecurities in the new relationship. Premarital Counselling helps individuals heal unresolved emotional baggage, build trust at a realistic pace, clarify expectations and boundaries, and prevent repeating old relationship scripts.  Instead of “hoping this time will be different,” premarital counselling helps make it intentionally different.

Is Premarital Counselling Right for You?

Marriage is no longer just about tradition or timing. It is about emotional readiness, shared values, and conscious choice. Premarital counselling offers couples a way to step into commitment with clarity rather than confusion. The rise in premarital counselling is not a sign that relationships are weaker; it is proof that people are choosing to be wiser.

• You may benefit from pre-marital counselling if you
• Want deeper emotional understanding of yourself and your partner
• Struggle to communicate during conflict
• Feel unsure about long-term compatibility
• Are entering a second marriage
• Unsure of commitment/marriage/relationship expectations

Think of premarital counselling as a relationship fitness plan. If you are planning to marry, whether for the first or second time, consider premarital counselling as a meaningful first step.

Because love is the beginning. Understanding and growing together is what sustains it.

The post Premarital Counselling, need of the hour in India first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Urban traffic isn’t just a daily grind. For many Bengaluru commuters, it’s a pressure cooker where tempers flare, and frustrations spill over into dangerous on-road confrontations. According to a recent Deccan Herald report, law enforcement in the city is now aggressively targeting repeat road rage offenders in an effort to make streets safer for everyone.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 19-Dec-25

The Road Rage Reality in Bengaluru

Bengaluru’s fast-paced lifestyle and busy roads make it fertile ground for commuter stress. But when frustration turns into aggressive driving, i.e., honking, tailgating, verbal threats or even physical altercations, it’s no longer just stress; it’s a public safety issue.

Police authorities have acknowledged a rising trend of repeat offenders who exhibit dangerous road behaviour and have pledged to intervene more robustly to prevent escalation.

Road rage is a lived reality for millions of city drivers, passengers, delivery workers and pedestrians. The consequences can be increased risk of traffic accidents, stress and anxiety for regular commuters, escalation into violent confrontations, damage to property and public infrastructure etc.

By cracking down on repeat offenders, Bengaluru officials are signalling that irresponsible driving behaviour will not be tolerated, and that roads are shared spaces requiring mutual respect.

What the Police Action Entails

The crackdown includes several key components designed to curb repeat offences and change driving culture over the long term:

• Identification of repeat offenders: Traffic cops are monitoring and logging drivers involved in multiple road-rage incidents.
• Stricter enforcement: Repeat offenders face heavier fines, penalties and possible legal action.
• Public awareness campaigns: Police are educating motorists on safe driving etiquette, and the legal repercussions of aggressive behaviour on the road.

The objective shouldn’t be just punishment. It needs to be deterrence and behaviour change, ensuring that public roads are safe for families, commuters, two-wheelers and pedestrians alike.

Are laws and enforcement enough to make safer roads?

As a Psychologist, I believe that many times, the emotions that are piled up in different situations can get violently expressed on the road as rage.

For example, if you are frustrated at work with a co-worker or angry with a family member at home, and you are not able to express it appropriately to them, or repeated instances of frustration get piled up within, then it can get displaced onto the road at other commuters.

It is important to understand the emotional triggers that lead to aggression. Understanding our own emotions, finding ways to regulate them allows us to respond appropriately to not just our own emotions but also to others empathically.

I believe that legislation alone is inadequate. Enforcement needs to be consistent. Having said that, we need to learn and teach Emotional Literacy/Emotional Regulation/Appropriate Expression/Empathy at school and at home.

When these elements work together, the outcome can be a culture shift in driving norms, not just a temporary crackdown.

The post Road Rage: Actions by Bengaluru Police, What more is needed. first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

In today’s fast-changing social landscape, young adults are putting mental health at the heart of their relationships. This shift is especially visible among Bengaluru’s Gen-Z and young millennials, a cohort reshaping how we think about connection, commitment and emotional health. According to relationship experts, this isn’t just a trend; it’s a fundamental change in priorities and relational values.

Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 19-Nov-25.

Gen-Z and Emotional Literacy: Red Flags, Boundaries, and Compatibility

Five years ago, terms like toxic, gaslighting or attachment styles were mainly clinical jargon. Today, they’re part of everyday conversations among young partners and daters. This heightened emotional vocabulary reflects a generation that:

• Recognises red flags early
• Prioritises healthy boundaries
• Values self-awareness and mutual respect

Instead of suppressing discomfort, Gen-Z engages in conscious relationship building, treating emotional intelligence as a core aspect of compatibility.

Why Mental Health Now Trumps Old Relationship Norms

 Several surveys indicate that a majority of young adults in India are comfortable discussing mental health with partners and see emotional support as a key component of a strong relationship. The Gen-z views that Openness about feelings is now seen as a relationship asset, not a vulnerability. Setting emotional boundaries is seen as a form of self-care and mutual respect.

These trends suggest that today’s young adults are not afraid to pause, reflect, and recalibrate rather than rush into connections that don’t align with their well-being goals.

What This Means for Relationship Culture

Gone are the days when silence about emotional needs was considered strength. Today’s young people are willing to initiate conversations about mental health early in relationships and evaluate if the relationship is enhancing their mental health or depleting it.

For relationship professionals, therapists, and anyone involved in couples counselling, these shifts signal a broader cultural moment, one where mental wellness is inseparable from romantic bonding.

Mental health, Emotional Awareness, Emotional literacy, capacity for Empathy are emerging as relationship parameters

Mental health isn’t just a sidebar in Gen-Z relationships; it’s often the central narrative that shapes how young adults choose, sustain, or exit partnerships. As emotional awareness becomes the new green flag in dating culture, we’re witnessing a healthier, more intentional form of connection that values well-being as much as affection.

The post Mental Health Comes First for Gen-Z in Relationships first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

In an era of evolving social norms, the debate around live-in relationships in India is becoming increasingly relevant. A recent piece in Deccan Herald highlights why experts believe that live-in partnerships need formal legal recognition, focusing on the emotional, psychological, and social challenges faced by couples who choose cohabitation outside marriage.

Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 01-Oct-25

Live-In Relationships in India: A Changing Reality

Many couples in India opt to live together without marriage for personal reasons, yet this choice often exists in a legal grey zone. Experts say that the lack of legal recognition contributes to:

• Anxiety and insecurity in partners over their rights and future.
• Family conflicts, with parents or relatives frequently unaware or unsupportive of the arrangement.
• Mental health stressors, as couples juggle societal stigma and uncertain legal protections.

Why Experts Are Calling for Legal Recognition

Therapists and relationship specialists argue that legal status would:

• Help safeguard emotional and financial rights of both individuals.
• Reduce the power imbalance and exploitation that can occur when one partner feels insecure about their position.
• Provide clarity in matters such as child custody, property rights, inheritance, and domestic responsibilities.

Without a legal framework, many couples are left vulnerable when relationships change or break down. Recognition could provide much-needed structure and legal recourse similar to what marriages afford.

Live-In Relationships, Law, and Social Acceptance

India’s legal stance currently allows adults to cohabit, and the Supreme Court has affirmed the constitutional right to choose one’s partner. However, this right does not automatically translate into full legal protection or social security benefits. Courts in various states have made rulings to bridge some gaps, but a comprehensive law is still missing.  And there still the matter of social acceptance of couples in live-in relationships.

The recent crimes reported in the media, where the harm has allegedly been caused by the live-in partner, have really put a spotlight on the vulnerability of the state of live-in relationships and the level of social acceptance of such relationships.

What would legalization mean for couples in live-in relationships

As lifestyles shift and relationships evolve, the conversation around legalising live-in partnerships gains urgency. For couples choosing this path, it’s not just about cohabitation but about rights, dignity, and security. Recognising live-in ties legally could be a transformative step toward modernising family law in India.

The post Live-In Relationships in India: The Need for Laws first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

As Indians, we take pride in being a family-oriented culture. Our families do take precedence and priority in our lives. Parents often make significant sacrifices for their children’s comfort, growth, and progress. Respect for elders is one of the primary values that we were taught as children. Despite that, the instances of elder abuse that are surfacing in the news and media are quite disturbing.

In today’s digital age, not much remains hidden. Visuals that are circulating in the news and media, where elders in the family are being beaten up by their own family members, unwell elderly family members are being abandoned, the elderly are being stripped of their own dignity, rights, and denied basic human needs like food, medical care, and shelter in their own families. These are undoubtedly cases of outright crimes and instances of elder abuse.

Hidden nature of Elder abuse. The role of shame.

Yet for every abuse which is revealed this way, I can only assume that there must be many more which go unnoticed, unreported, which remain hidden, which continue to happen, within the confines of the four walls of what is called a home, a space that is supposed to be safe, and yet the elderly are reduced to a burden and bound to shame. That means so much remains hidden out of sight and goes unreported.

The emotional reality of elders, even if they are financially secure

My mom underwent a significant surgery about 3 months ago. And I stayed with her for the last 3 months to take care of her. Living with my parents, in their environs, gave me an opportunity to get to know their friends and neighbours, their social circle. It shouldn’t have surprised me that about 90% of my mom’s and my dad’s friends’ children all live abroad. I found out that for most of them, the parents and their adult children communicate/talk perhaps once a week or even less.

Some of these senior citizens are healthy, and some are struggling with health issues. Though they try to stay occupied with their activities, social circles, smartphones, and everyday activities, talking with them gave me a sense of a void that they all feel, with respect to the distance (both physical and emotional) from their own adult children and families. Though life expectancy has increased, health and quality of life deteriorate with age. Changing family structures means the elderly are bound to experience loneliness and isolation.

The longing for physical presence and emotional availability from children, not just during serious health issues or bereavement

When there are serious health issues, their children, most of them turn up. But it is painful for the parents to constantly live with this uncertainty,  not knowing whether their children will come or not to take care of them. Many times, they come when the parent has passed away.

And among elderly couples, when one of them passes away, it’s incredibly painful for the other to live and manage alone, with limited support from others, especially with their own children being so far away.

The proliferation of Senior Citizens Residences and facilities (marketed as Paradise and the like) shows us a stark mirror of this social reality. That even if there may be financial support/security for elders, yet, there is a dearth of physical presence and emotional availability of their dearest, their grown-up children and grandchildren. No matter how much the elders try to compensate with other aspects of their life or other relatives and friends, the empty look and longing in their faces left me feeling haunted.

The pain of elderly who are dependent on others financially

And for the elderly who are not financially secure and are dependent on their children, unless there is understanding, empathy, and respect from their families, their later life journey can be quite painful and onerous. Without the loving support from their families, their everyday needs can become a challenge and uncertain.

Other subtle forms in which elder abuse/mistreatment shows up

Elder abuse need not happen in such overt terms. It can be subtle neglect, being ignored, disrespect in interactions, or their needs being discounted, among other things. The recent trend of senior citizens looking for therapy for issues like neglect from family, distance from loved ones, disrespect by family members, depression, anxiety, etc., is indicative of a deeper malaise. Though it is positive that they are aware and willing to seek support, it highlights a degradation of some of the fundamental structures of our society, “the family”. It is high time that we open our eyes to it and ask ourselves what we need to do about it.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 14 June 2025.

Read more at: https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/alarming-rise-in-verbal-abuse-complaints-from-city-s-senior-citizens-3585485

The post Elder Abuse and Neglect in families – The Hidden Crisis first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

In this day and age, where instant gratification is the norm, marked by quick commerce, dating apps, shorts, and reels, it is understandable that Gen-Z finds sustaining relationships difficult. Truth be told, relationship challenges are a reality for all age groups.

Social medial and online influence on relationship challenges

We are progressively more influenced by social media and online influencers.  One may have thousands of friends/followers on social media.  But in real, how much support do we have on the ground is a big question. Gen-Z also prefers text to talking, meeting, and spending time, which affects the quality of connection in relationships. Phubbing is a common occurrence, being on the phone when you are physically with another person.

Long-term/lasting Relationships do not work in the instant gratification mode. All parties involved need to invest time, effort, and energy into the relationship to make it work, to make it fulfilling. Relationships, no matter how good they are, may not always be convenient. Commitment to a relationship and the effort needed to make it work cannot change and shift based on convenience.

The need for Resilience

Unrealistic expectations in relationships compounded by low levels of resilience mean a failure or a rejection feels like an insurmountable challenge.  There’s a tendency to move from one relationship to the next with minimal or no time spent in reflection or processing the grief of the breakup, learning from the loss, etc.

It is important to emphasize that lasting relationships inherently involve emotional labour. That means the partners need to manage their own emotions and cater to the needs of the other.  Conflicts and disagreements need to be managed and resolved without damaging the other or crumbling your self-esteem. Without emotional awareness and the capability to hold self and the other, there is limited scope for emotional connection, emotional intimacy, and bonding.

I believe that we need to start early with children. Parents play a big role here in offering an emotionally inviting and safe home environment. Schools need to start teaching about emotional literacy, empathy, and compassion. And progressively, at different age groups, colleges and organizations need to take up emotional intelligence and interpersonal effectiveness.

A course offered by Delhi University titled ‘Negotiating Intimate Relationships’ is a step in the right direction.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald (13-Jun-25).

Does Gen Z need a course on handling relationships?

The post Gen-Z – Relationship challenges in the age of instant gratification first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.