A recent survey in Bengaluru has sparked urgent conversations among parents, educators, and mental health professionals. With over 11,000 responses, the findings reveal a concerning emotional landscape for children navigating social media and the digital world.

Read the full article here: https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/social-media-linked-to-anxiety-anger-among-children-in-bengaluru-survey-3932228

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on the 15^th March 2026.

What the survey reveals

The data paints an unsettling picture of children’s online experiences:

• 41% of families reported children experiencing fear and anxiety due to negative online interactions
• 31% of children faced cyberbullying or trolling
• 29% encountered blackmail or coercion
• 33% received abusive messages from strangers (Deccan Herald)

This isn’t just about screen time anymore. It’s about physical and emotional safety in digital spaces.

The psychological impact of social media

Social media, when unregulated, is a space of comparison, validation-seeking, and exposure to harm. Children and adolescents are especially vulnerable because their emotional regulation systems are still developing.

The survey links social media exposure to:

• Increased anxiety and fear
• Rising anger and irritability
• Heightened sensitivity to peer validation and rejection
• Exposure to online trolling and bullying
• Online grooming, manipulation, and abuse by catfishing
• Exposure to age-inappropriate content

Over time, this can shape self-worth, relationships, identity and attention span. It also impacts the capacity for empathy adversely and the quality of real-world connections.

Psychotherapist Kala Balasubramanian’s perspective

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian offers a nuanced understanding that moves beyond blaming technology.

• Social media often amplifies existing emotional vulnerabilities, rather than creating them in isolation
• Children lack the psychological tools to process online hostility, making even minor incidents feel overwhelming
• The digital world can blur boundaries, where private emotional experiences become public and persistent
• When children are exposed to screens and online content very early, they get hooked on the dopamine-based addictive content and games.  Social media, short-form videos, and games act like digital drugs, offering dopamine hits through instant rewards and stimulation.
• Mobiles and screens have become the ubiquitous digital pacifier that parents today offer to young children
• When parents themselves immerse themselves in their mobile phones and screens, it is not surprising that the children are as well.  

The conversation cannot be just about restricting access alone, but about building emotional resilience and digital literacy.  Beyond the laws, as a society, we need to take responsibility in our own families, as parents and caregivers.

Why addressing the impact of social media on children matters more than ever

Today’s children are growing up in a hybrid reality where offline and online worlds constantly overlap. A conflict in school doesn’t end at the school gate, it can follow them home through social media and notifications.

Instead of policing screens, can we invite open conversations.

• Create open conversations about online experiences without judgment
• Teach children to recognise unsafe interactions and seek help
• Encourage critical thinking rather than passive consumption
• Model healthy tech boundaries at home

Moving forward: From control to connection

Social media isn’t going away. Laws are being considered to restrict the usage of social media for youngsters.  The goal is not to raise children who fear the digital world, but those who can navigate it with awareness, confidence, and emotional grounding.

Are you concerned about how mobile usage and social media is impacting your child?
Let’s start a conversation. Reach out to explore how therapy and guidance can support your child’s emotional well-being in a digital age. But long before there comes the need for therapy, I believe it is important for parents to build awareness as to the impact of screens and social media on their wards and to address these patterns at the earliest.

The post Damage from social media on children and adolescents first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

As Indians, we take pride in being a family-oriented culture. Our families do take precedence and priority in our lives. Parents often make significant sacrifices for their children’s comfort, growth, and progress. Respect for elders is one of the primary values that we were taught as children. Despite that, the instances of elder abuse that are surfacing in the news and media are quite disturbing.

In today’s digital age, not much remains hidden. Visuals that are circulating in the news and media, where elders in the family are being beaten up by their own family members, unwell elderly family members are being abandoned, the elderly are being stripped of their own dignity, rights, and denied basic human needs like food, medical care, and shelter in their own families. These are undoubtedly cases of outright crimes and instances of elder abuse.

Hidden nature of Elder abuse. The role of shame.

Yet for every abuse which is revealed this way, I can only assume that there must be many more which go unnoticed, unreported, which remain hidden, which continue to happen, within the confines of the four walls of what is called a home, a space that is supposed to be safe, and yet the elderly are reduced to a burden and bound to shame. That means so much remains hidden out of sight and goes unreported.

The emotional reality of elders, even if they are financially secure

My mom underwent a significant surgery about 3 months ago. And I stayed with her for the last 3 months to take care of her. Living with my parents, in their environs, gave me an opportunity to get to know their friends and neighbours, their social circle. It shouldn’t have surprised me that about 90% of my mom’s and my dad’s friends’ children all live abroad. I found out that for most of them, the parents and their adult children communicate/talk perhaps once a week or even less.

Some of these senior citizens are healthy, and some are struggling with health issues. Though they try to stay occupied with their activities, social circles, smartphones, and everyday activities, talking with them gave me a sense of a void that they all feel, with respect to the distance (both physical and emotional) from their own adult children and families. Though life expectancy has increased, health and quality of life deteriorate with age. Changing family structures means the elderly are bound to experience loneliness and isolation.

The longing for physical presence and emotional availability from children, not just during serious health issues or bereavement

When there are serious health issues, their children, most of them turn up. But it is painful for the parents to constantly live with this uncertainty,  not knowing whether their children will come or not to take care of them. Many times, they come when the parent has passed away.

And among elderly couples, when one of them passes away, it’s incredibly painful for the other to live and manage alone, with limited support from others, especially with their own children being so far away.

The proliferation of Senior Citizens Residences and facilities (marketed as Paradise and the like) shows us a stark mirror of this social reality. That even if there may be financial support/security for elders, yet, there is a dearth of physical presence and emotional availability of their dearest, their grown-up children and grandchildren. No matter how much the elders try to compensate with other aspects of their life or other relatives and friends, the empty look and longing in their faces left me feeling haunted.

The pain of elderly who are dependent on others financially

And for the elderly who are not financially secure and are dependent on their children, unless there is understanding, empathy, and respect from their families, their later life journey can be quite painful and onerous. Without the loving support from their families, their everyday needs can become a challenge and uncertain.

Other subtle forms in which elder abuse/mistreatment shows up

Elder abuse need not happen in such overt terms. It can be subtle neglect, being ignored, disrespect in interactions, or their needs being discounted, among other things. The recent trend of senior citizens looking for therapy for issues like neglect from family, distance from loved ones, disrespect by family members, depression, anxiety, etc., is indicative of a deeper malaise. Though it is positive that they are aware and willing to seek support, it highlights a degradation of some of the fundamental structures of our society, “the family”. It is high time that we open our eyes to it and ask ourselves what we need to do about it.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 14 June 2025.

Read more at: https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/alarming-rise-in-verbal-abuse-complaints-from-city-s-senior-citizens-3585485

The post Elder Abuse and Neglect in families – The Hidden Crisis first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

The recent Netflix show called Adolescence, highlights the harm and injury caused based on a child’s social media influence and toxic online conversations.

Herzindagi.com invited Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian to offer her views on children/adolescents influenced negatively by social media, their views of the world shaped by dark forces online, and the need for parental supervision and control. 

How social media influence and toxic online forums impact the world view and perceptions of children and adolescents?

Misogyny, patriarchy, and systemic oppression remain deeply embedded in our society. In the unfiltered world of social media, these forces not only persist but also amplify, shaping the perspectives of young minds in increasingly polarized ways. The illusion of online anonymity fosters a dangerous sense of impunity, normalizing harmful speech and emboldening real-world aggression.

The incel subculture, as highlighted in the series, is a stark and painful manifestation of this reality. What started as online hostility, hate-fuelled rhetoric, dehumanization, and targeted online attacks on women and others, does not remain confined to the digital space. It spills into the real world, leading to acts of violence and, in the most tragic cases, deadly consequences.

What are parents worried about?

In my recent experience of working with parents, the number of parents concerned about their children’s addiction to mobile phones and social media has definitely gone up. Risky sexual behaviour, unbridled online engagement, exposure to age-inappropriate content, online predators, or engaging in abusive online behaviour are significant worrying trends for parents. Technology and social media are here to stay. If that is a given, how do we protect our children from undue harmful social media influence.

I believe that it is important for parents to offer a warm, safe and accepting environment, where children can come and talk to them about any pressure, challenge or problems that they are facing. Silence from either side indicates that issues are being ignored or left uncovered. I understand that these are uncomfortable conversations, nevertheless it is more and more essential and necessary for the safety of the child today and for a healthy future of our society.

I believe the key to change lies in open, honest conversations and strengthening the bridge between parents and children. Young people should feel safe discussing these difficult topics with their parents, knowing they will be heard, supported, and guided. Creating this space for dialogue is crucial in fostering awareness, empathy, and resilience against harmful influences.

What is the level of parental control and supervision needed? How do we limit potentially harmful social media influence and toxic / inappropriate online content?

Parental control and supervision are essential, but true protection comes from education. It’s crucial to equip children at home, in school, in college, and other social setups, with the knowledge to recognize and navigate the harmful effects of social media overuse and abuse. It is absolutely essential to teach children empathy, boundaries, respect and consent. By fostering critical thinking and digital responsibility, we empower them to make informed choices that protect both their well-being and the well-being of those around them.

What is that we can do?

We all have a responsibility to act in whatever ways we can. It’s crucial to address harmful behaviour—both online and in real life—whether in groups, chatrooms, or social media spaces. Silence is not neutrality; it enables toxicity to grow unchecked. Speaking up and taking action are essential in pushing back against harmful narratives.

This conversation is more urgent than ever, given the alarming rise of toxic misogyny in our world. Now is the time to challenge it, educate, and create a culture that refuses to tolerate hate.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on HerZindagi.com

https://www.herzindagi.com/society-culture/netflixs-adolescence-exposes-an-ongoing-teen-crisis-decoding-social-media-impact-and-online-extremes-article-1022453

The post Impact of Social Media Influence on Adolescents and Parental Concerns first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

With too many gadgets and internet access becoming ubiquitous, there is no dearth of the attraction that these devices, apps, games and social media, offer to people of all age groups. Oxfords word of the year 2024 Brain rot – highlights the damage caused by over engagement on online content that is trivial and unchallenging.

Right from infants, children, adolescents, adults all the way up to senior and super senior citizens, we are enamoured by the variety offered by technology especially social media and are endlessly entertained by them. But when we purposelessly scroll the feeds, be it insta reels or youtube shorts or facebook videos or mindless forwards on the chat apps, do they add any value. It is fascinating to our brain for sure and keeps us coming back for more. Many times once we start looking at the reels, it is un-put-downable. But is it healthy? Or does it damage us more than the entertainment that it offers?

‘Brain rot’ – Oxford’s word of the year 2024

‘Brain rot’ – Oxford’s word of the year 2024 – is “the supposed deterioration of a person’s mental or intellectual state, especially viewed as the result of overconsumption of material (now particularly online content) considered to be trivial or unchallenging. Also: something characterized as likely to lead to such deterioration”.

To understand this, we need to delve a bit into the reward – reinforcement mechanisms at play. We all know the basics of reinforcement and punishment. If a behaviour is desirable, then we reinforce it. Reinforcement encourages the desired behaviour to occur more. When a behaviour is rewarded every single time then its called continuous reinforcement. When the reinforcement occurs for a desired behaviour, but not every single time, then its called variable reinforcement. This is a powerful way of keeping us glued to any app or device or game. When we cannot expect what will show up in the next reel, it keeps us excited. and keeps our dopamine reward system active – making us crave for it even more.

On the other hand, overuse of technology is also adding to the endemic loneliness gripping our society today

Your phone or tab or social media can be endlessly entertaining. It may not demand that you do your chores or have a meaningful conversation or interaction with it. Everything is available at the touch of your fingers. You don’t have to deal with the messiness of a real relationship. Yet that is exact what we need today. Difficult situations, disagreements and conflicts and learning to manage them, dealing with ambiguity, which we are all robbed of with mindless scrolling of social media and endless entertainment. We are robbed of the opportunity to work our brain muscles to build our capacity, to deal with, to cope with, to problem solve, and to make and maintain real connections in real life.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in herzindagi.com

https://www.herzindagi.com/society-culture/oxfords-declares-word-of-the-year-brain-rot-why-we-seek-it-and-what-it-does-to-our-brains-article-1010276

The post Brain rot – What you need to know about mindless online scrolling first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Day in and day out when I look at the news, every second or third item is about some harassment, molestation, rape or murder of a woman or the girl child. A good question for us to ponder is – Do we as a society understand – Consent and Respect of the other?

What is even more shocking are these recent reports of young children, adolescents, minors engaging in molestation, sexual assault or even rape against even younger children.

In a recent incident in Bangalore, a 10 year old boy allegedly groped a woman in a residential locality, which was captured on video. The women raised an alarm and confronted the boy. The woman said that people believed her only when she showed them the video.

Where do children learn these inappropriate behaviours?

Where do children learn these inappropriate behaviours? How do they get to believe that they can act like this and will not face any consequences? If a child thinks that touching another person inappropriately / forcefully / with out their consent – is okay, what can they do next, unless they get to learn that this NOT OK. Who is responsible to teaching the child that such behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE, WRONG and PROHIBITED.

It is important to understand that people who commit major crimes, do not start with that. They may have started with petty crimes and graduate to more heinous ones.

On other hand smart phones and internet are in the hands of every child. Unrestricted and unsupervised access to internet – leads them to view pornography. Horrendous videos of molestation and rape are available openly on the internet. Children access them and attempt to imitate them in real life, with no understanding or fear of what is NOT OK about it.

Objectification of women is so rampant and is celebrated in Media – be it movies, music videos, lyrics and social media. Recent success and popularity of movies where women are getting beaten or subjugated, shows a mirror to the societal reality.

Are we condemning such behaviour or condoning ?

Every single person that justifies this action or online comments that defend / trivialize such incidents are condoning – encouraging this behaviour. On the other side the societal expectation is that the person molested / assaulted / harassed would not speak up and if they do, there are enough people around to shame them in real life and online.

Are we teaching our children our wards Consent and Respect ?

How do we as a society contribute to this degradation, and how can we learn to be responsible enough to ensure that everyone, especially children learn to respect boundaries (their own and others’), understand consent, understand what is appropriate and what is inappropriate?

We all, as parents, families, social groups – neighbours, teachers, society as a whole are responsible to teach appropriate behaviours and censure inappropriate behaviours. That it wont happen to my child or my child will not act inappropriately, needs to be a belief – that is rooted in reality – based on what we imbibe in our children.

Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 20-Nov-24

https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/new-concern-sex-crimes-by-kids-3283493

The post Consent and respect – What you need to teach your child first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Technology – be it computers, smart phones or now even AI, can be great enablers. But do they also contribute to disconnection and loneliness in our society?

Recently the news of 14 year boy killing himself after being extensively engaging in conversation with AI chatbots, has really highlighted some of the risks involved in relying on AI or other technology platforms at an extensive levels for connections.

Given that adolescence is a time of significant transitions, so many changes happen in their social spaces, in their body and mind. Adolescents can be come rebellious or reclusive.

Conflicts, Failure, being misunderstood, rejection etc are all part of real life and real life relationships. In real life we handle these conflicts, learn to address the disagreements, and still stay in the relationships / friendships, making the connections stronger. Facing these difficult circumstances builds strength and resilience.

Over involvement with social media, online gaming, chat rooms, chatbots etc can deprive them of essential social connections and all the resilience building challenges that real life connections bring in. This contributes to the epidemic of loneliness that is already plaguing the society.

Given that technologies like AI are growing at such a break neck pace – we have not been able to setup adequate safeguards yet. And hence its imperative that parents take a more proactive role in keeping their wards safe. Having said that overprotective, intrusive parenting can be as damaging as lack of parental oversight. To achieve a balance in these spaces to keep the children safe is the key challenge.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Herzindagi.

https://www.herzindagi.com/society-culture/ai-or-human-connection-teens-death-after-chatbot-conversations-raises-alarming-questions-on-ai-safety-article-1005756

The post Does technology overuse lead to more loneliness? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

As women, do we experience adequate safety in our own environments? Be it at home or neighbourhood, at workplace, when we commute in public or private transportation, in public spaces, do we women feel safe?

The reporting of rape, child sexual abuse, sexual harassment etc has increased over time but it is also true that so many more remain unreported.  Terrible crimes do put a spotlight on the issue but for a limited period of time. Patriarchy enables gender-based violence – such as female foeticide and infanticide; molestation and sexual assault of children, women, and geriatric women; intimate partner  violence; assault/ murder of women in broad daylight who refuse advances; etc., all get reported in media. 

Sadly, our collective attention span as a society is very low.  When something happens, there is so much of media focus and attention. Conversations happen around it. And very shortly our attention moves on to the next event. 

Normalizing and trivializing harassment

On the other hand we as a society normalize and trivialize many kinds of harassment.  Let me tell you what I mean from a few of my personal experiences.

When I was in school, in college, and even when I started working, everyday commuting using public transportation buses was a necessity in the metropolitan city where I grew up. Every single day, I have been touched inappropriately on the buses by men, or I have seen other women being harassed.

Who knows about this? Everyone who uses public transport.   What did we do?  Sometimes we women would use safety pins to dissuade the harasser.   It was taken as a given that harassment was part of the daily routine that I/we women had to endure.  It was normalized and accepted that nothing could be done about it. I ask myself, did I do enough?

Why am I talking about this? Why is it important that we talk about this? It is important that we don’t deny our pain and that we don’t normalize our pain.

Harassment happens at all levels, in all environments, and at all social and economic levels

Ogling – Harassment – Groping – Stalking – Intimidation – Flashing/Exposing – Violence – Rape – Murder they are all problems on a continuum of violence. The list is by no stretch of imagination exhaustive.

And when we keep quiet about it when it happens, where it happens, we are condoning these actions. Whether it happens to us or someone in our vicinity, our silence emboldens the perpetrator to take it to the next level, and so on. 

Even distracting the harasser by talking loudly next to them, getting them to notice that they are being watched,  or making a conversation with the harassed person, can make the harasser think for a moment, may hesitate or be dissuaded in their actions. Ensure that you don’t put yourself at risk. Call others for help if needed.  https://rainn.org/articles/street-harassment

In your own family or social circles, when you see harassment, discrimination or victim blaming happen, do you say or do something about it? It may be an uncomfortable conversation and it is possible that you may not be able to convince them. Yet, is it worth using your voice? Is it worth speaking up?

No place for apathy and resignation. Taking responsibility for safety in our own spaces the need of the hour

If we are to consider ourselves a civilized society – each one of us needs to take responsibility – wherever and whenever any kind of harassment happens, to address it right there – to nip it in the bud.

What is so painful, is our apathy/indifference/resignation towards these attitudes and behaviours.  The entire country cannot be policed 24*7. Police cannot protect us inside our homes. The societal attitude should change. And who is the society?  It is you, me, and the people around us in our family, friends, colleagues, neighbours to start with.

As long as we have a culture of objectification, victim blaming, discrimination, and glorifying violence we cannot hope for change, we cannot hope to feel safe. A change that would bring safety and progress for all of us.

How come we are becoming a society without a conscience?  How come there is no basic understanding of what is decency and what is not? As a civilized society, if we want to bring about adequate safety for women, I believe that change needs to happen from both a bottom-up approach and a top-down approach. What do I mean by that?

What can be done? How can you and I contribute to build safety for women?

Bottom-up approach

It all starts in our own homes, our families. To really challenge patriarchal norms.  Teach equality and respect for each other. Teach and learn human values.

School & colleges  – Effective Education – on sexuality, sex, consent, respect, empathy, gender.

Organizations – Even today there is more than a 20% wage gap between men and women even at corporates for the same job.  Diversity, inclusion, and equality should be a reality rather than just buzzwords.

Systemic changes needed to bring in adequate safety

Top-down approach

Stricter laws – Laws with no teeth, laws with loopholes, laws with no effective deterrent consequences are not of use.  These need to be amended and strengthened to act as a deterrent.

Good laws are of no use without effective implementation of the laws. Government, Police, and other agencies need to be sensitized to the trauma and the plight of the survivor. They need to act effectively to support and protect the vulnerable and bring the perpetrators to justice.

Quick and effective completion of the judicial process. If the cases take 8 / 10 / 15 years to complete, then of course, the conviction rate will be dismal. Justice delayed is justice denied.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala’s views featured in HerZindagi.com of Jagran New Media: A Decade After Nirbhaya: Unraveling India’s Enduring Rape Culture

The post Is There Adequate Safety For Women In Our Society? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Online toxic trolling, body shaming – has been put on a spotlight with the recent trolling of the UP Class 10 topper, for her physical appearance. It is heart breaking to see how a young bright student’s success has invited so much hatred and toxic trolling online, making this moment of celebration into a nightmare.

For a young child / adolescent, the support of family, friends and school is absolutely critical to help them not get significantly impacted by such trolling. In the absence of support it can cause anxiety, depression, and other stress-related disorders. In extreme situations, some children may resort to self harm or even suicidal ideation or attempts.

What support can parents and others provide

Parents can encourage the child to stay away from social media for a while, talk to parents if something is troubling them / share their feelings (sad, scared, confused, hopeless, worthless and more) which parents are not aware of, or seek professional help in the form of counselling for the young child / adolescent as needed.

Social media companies also need to be held accountable for what is posted on their platforms, be it hate messages or toxic trolling or the likes.

Why do people engage in toxic trolling

On the other hand, trolls in general come from a space of low self esteem or cannot empathise with the pain of the other whom they are trolling. They may be externalizing their aggression to cope with internal negative feelings. Anonymity, emboldens online trolls, to say anything online and get away with it. And they believe that they cannot be held accountable. When they succeed in getting a reaction, they get encouraged to troll more. Trolling at an extreme is a form of abuse and and harassment.

When parents and teachers can teach their wards, about the impact of their actions and feel empathy for other’s pain, the next generation at least can learn to be more socially responsible both in their online and in person actions.

Inner Dawn Counsellor / Psychotherapist Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in the Indian Express 1-May-2024.

Click here for The article on Indian Express

The post Online toxic trolling – body shaming – bane of social media first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

The recent double murders in Bangalore of the CEO and MD of an IT company has shaken up the startup landscape and I see conversations about this happening in many of the entrepreneurial groups that I am part of. Given this context, sometimes I do really wonder where are we going as a society.  What really makes us human? Where is our humanity?

I was asked by the Journalist from Deccan Herald about the “Mental Stability” of the people who allegedly committed this crime, based on their social media presence.

Mental instability or disorder is something to be formally diagnosed by a competent professional and not up for speculation. And that does not take away the import of the crime that was committed and the loss there in.

Social media, now-a-days is used by many for shock value and cringe. But it is also true that shock and cringe has an audience. People do consume this and when there is a demand for it, more such content shows up. Having said that, there is a difference between content with shock value and IRL criminal conduct.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald Today 14-Jul-23.

https://www.deccanherald.com/metrolife/metrolife-your-bond-with-bengaluru/bengaluru-rappers-weigh-in-on-joker-felix-case-1236810.html

What really makes us human?

In the 21^st century that we are in, on one side we are making tremendous advancements in artificial intelligence, space exploration, communication tech, genetics, healthcare etc, and on the other side we are also capable of and engage in cruelty, destruction, violence and war.

Webster dictionary defines humanity as compassionate, sympathetic, or generous behaviour or disposition – the quality or state of being humane.

To be human is not just walking upright, having significant intelligence, language, self-awareness etc. What is to be a human without humanity?

Humanity is respecting self and the other, understanding other’s pain and feeling compassion. To stand against the tendency to hurt the other. To be able to empathise and act from the space of solicitude. To stand up and act when a violation happens.  

What happened to our sense of humanity?

When I see news reports of mass shootings or chilling murders due to competition or rejection or heartbreak, or random acts of violence, I do question myself where is the compassion, where is our humanity? Yes there are perpetrators, and victims. But the rest of us have we all become bystanders shirking off our responsibility?

I recently read about this crime in France, where a husband allegedly drugged his wife repeatedly at night and over a span of 10 years invited more than 80 men to rape her when she was unconscious. It is not just the husband whose act was horrifying, but also about the men who came of their own will and chose to engage in this terrible crime. Many of these are educated men, who are well established and from different walks of life. What happened to their sense of humanity?

Are we de-sensitised to violence or pain of the other?

We as a society, are we becoming de-sensitised to violence or pain of the other? When discrimination and oppression happens in overt and covert ways in terms or race, caste, ethnicity, gender, religion, etc., is it just news material for the sensational content or does it evoke our emotions and humanity? Have we numbed our emotions? A day later, does it become yesterday’s news to be forgotten?

Today even young children, have unbridled access to technology, internet and information. Mobiles and tech devices have practically become their e-pacifiers. Children get age-inappropriate access to sexual / violent content and try to experiment on others who are vulnerable. We need to teach them not just good touch and bad touch, but also consent.

Violent video games, where shooting or killing or blood spurting everywhere is a common pass time for not just kids but for adolescents and adults too. Does this contribute to our de-sensitization to loss of human life or to another’s pain?

On the other hand every day there are reports of children being abused, sexual assaults being reported at all socio, cultural and economic segments of the society. 

Where do we learn compassion, empathy and consideration?

Where do we learn compassion, kindness and emotional awareness? How do we learn to empathize with each other? Do we learn it on our own or should it be taught in school? Do we learn it at home in our family? Who is responsible to build a society where compassion, empathy and understanding forms a part of the  basic fabric of our society?

What is our personal responsibility?

How do we build a cohesive society rather than highlighting every possible difference? How do we take personal responsibility for our contribution through action or inaction or silence on this regard?

Yes the Government will enact laws and there are laws already. And the laws need to be enforced and there is a process to ensure that happens.  Having said, what are our personal responsibilities? Unless we challenge our own thinking and responses, apathy will grow unabated.

I know, there are a lot of questions here.  But it is time for us to seek answers to these questions.  What can we do, what can each one of us do in our own social structures, starting from our own beliefs, attitudes and our own families.

If these questions stir us up, that we give up the numbing and feel our emotions, encourage us think from different perspectives, look for out of the box solutions, and move us to do something / anything that is in our purview, I think that will be a good start.

About the Author

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, Transactional Analysis etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling

The post What really makes us human? Where is our humanity? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Do you want to feel more optimistic, feel better satisfaction and develop a positive outlook towards life and towards yourself? If you can develop this one simple habit you can build that positive attitude and happiness in yourself – Gratitude. And I can vouch for it from my own personal experience too.

Well I have not been able to post videos for more than a month now. I have been unwell, and it has taken a while for me to recover. The reason I am sharing this is that the topic that I picked up for this video is based on one of the processes that I went through and experienced a significant positive outcome.

Very high fever and body pain and a whole gamut of other issues, Physically in pain, mentally frustrated, and emotionally drained. All that was filling up my mind with negativity, I was wallowing in self-pity and loathing. Then I made a choice to ask for support. And I started receiving support from expected and unexpected quarters. One sent me food, another took me to the hospital, another came down to take care of me, so many enquired about my health every day. 

What really helped me was not just that simple ask, and subsequently accounting for all the support, care and love that I received and feeling gratitude for the same.

So let us find out how to build this habit of gratitude that can offer you potentially limitless benefits.

1. Stop discounting.  Start accounting

If you want to develop a habit of gratitude, it is important that we start accounting for all the big small mini micro good things that are happening all around us. It could be the big promotion that you got, getting parking in a packed lot, everyday things like having running water, electricity, or a cool breeze on your face in the balcony or a cute little flower blooming on the road side or a random baby in mother’s arms – smiling at you.

It is very easy for us to pick out and list out the negatives which are happening with us, things to worry or regret and our brain continues in the same pathway to look for more negatives. In this process we also miss out or discount or minimise the positives around us. I am not saying ignore the problems. But at same time stop discounting and start accounting for all the good happening around you.

2. Taking things for granted.

Ask yourself do you have the habit of taking things for granted? Do you notice and appreciate things that your parents do for you or partner does for you, even if it is done every single day? Do you find yourself noticing it only when it is not available or not happening?

Do you invest and appreciate the people and the relationships around you? Do you express your appreciation for their presence in your life? People around you, be it your partner, your parents, children, friends, neighbours, colleagues each one may enrich your life in their own way.

3. Grateful Start and end for your day

Start your day, when you open your eyes, even before getting off the bed, think about three things that you are grateful for. This is a wonderful way of setting up your mind in a positive frame, to be in a better mood and positive attitude.  This also enables you to account for the good things that happens during the day and a positive mindset to take on whatever the day offers you.

You can send your day by writing down things that you are grateful for either in that day or others in your gratitude journal.

4. Show and express your gratitude

When you are willing to show and express your gratitude not just two others but also to yourself you are building better relationship with others and your own self.  Showing your expressing gratitude is not just about saying thank you. It is important that you really mean it and feel the gratitude when you express it. You can use words and actions to express to others. Internally you can account for your blessings, positive experiences, love and warmth that you receive or have received at some time. Show Express and feel gratitude both internally and to others as well.

Well research has shown that developing the habit of gratitude allows people to experience a lot more positive emotions like excitement curiosity interest joy with an increase in the frequency of these emotions. This one simple habit allows for more positive experiences to occur and be accounted for.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, Transactional Analysis etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling and therapy services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

The post A simple habit for happiness and life satisfaction-Gratitude first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.