Parenting Teens – Privacy vs Monitoring
Parenting a teenager today is definitely a challenge with the level of exposure, ubiquitous access to technology and other challenges in the society today.
It is a struggle for parents to determine what need to be the boundaries of privacy and the limits to monitoring that is needed for their growing children.
Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 10-Feb-2020
Five pointers to keep in mind to determine the level of privacy you can afford to your child and the level of monitoring that is necessary.
1. Respect your teen as a person as an individual.
Your child is growing up into a teen. This is the time when they form their self identity. They also start defining what is important for them, what their values are, based upon all that they have been taught, what they are learning and their experiences as well. Very soon they will be crossing the threshold of adulthood. Take care of them but respect them as individuals.
2. Respect their privacy but let them know that it is not absolute.
Teenagers do need a fair amount of privacy and independence. There might be some sexual exploration, masturbation etc so they do need some amount of privacy. At the same time talk with them and let them know that their level of privacy is not absolute and will vary based upon circumstances.
3. Define their boundaries with your teen as to what is acceptable and what is not.
Defining boundaries is not a one-time activity. As your children grow you need to define and redefine the boundaries based upon their age, maturity levels and level of responsibility that they are able to handle. Do not force your teen to tell you everything that is happening in their life. At the same time make it clear to them of certain topics which you definitely expect them to disclose to you.
4. Age appropriately negotiate these boundaries.
Parenting growing children is a constant process of negotiation between the parents and the children as they grow. The more they are able to take responsibility for themselves less can your monitoring be.
5. Talk to your children in an age appropriate manner, starting at an early age about topics like sex, sexuality, safety, consent, respect etc on an ongoing basis.
If parents shy away from talking about these topics to the children, children also so would follow the same model of hiding things from the parents or feeling reluctant to share things with parents even when there is a real need. The way to keep children safe is to talk to them explain to them make them aware and understand the consequences of their actions. Hence it needs to be a fine balance between providing adequate privacy to your child as well as having requisite monitoring of your ward.