The news of suicide of actor Sushant Singh Rajput in June 2020 has been a shocking one.   Its not just the celebrities, but suicide statistics worldwide is going only in an upward trend. 

The current situation,  with the fears and anxieties of COVID-19, the major changes to our life and life styles, work from home, home schooling, balancing relationships, handling children and elders, over all has even reduced the connections that we could experience on a day to day basis.  The uncertainty and loss of our familiar life, it all can be major causes of stress.  

How we perceive ourselves and our world, is our reality. Life might be difficult, but our perception about the same could be distorted and it may seem unmanageable.  When we are not able to cope with the challenges in life, the problems may seem insurmountable and it might lead to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness.

Now these feelings are even more accentuated with the lack of support systems and the person feels even more lonely. The problem with loneliness is that it could be a real loneliness or perceived loneliness which stops a person from actively seeking help.  At the same time it has also been observed that people who have suicidal ideation, plans or even made attempts, do reach out in some way or the other for help. Many a times this might go unnoticed and even if we get to know we don’t know how to help the person.

If you think that a friend or relative or a loved one is in emotional distress and if you think that they are contemplating self-harm in some way or the other, or contemplating suicide – do not ignore it or be silent. If you think the threat is real you can and need to do something about it.

• How will you get to know? What to watch out for:

They might talk about no point in living on, talk about ending everything, might say that it would be better if there were not around or alive, how everything is hopeless and nothing would change etc.  They might work on and close long pending activities, give away things that are precious to them, might seek closure etc.

If you doubt that they might harm themselves, It is actually ok to ask them if they are contemplating any self harm.  No, you are not putting the idea into them.  It might give them the outlet to talk about their thoughts, emotions and situations with you.

• Being there for them:

Being there for them doesn’t mean you have to stick around them 24*7. It means that, you show them that you are available for them, you show care and concern for them, you check in on them regularly and when they are trying to reach out to you, be available to listen to them. Rope in other trusted people who can provide support in this regard.  This could be their family or friends, whom they trust.  It is important for them to feel wanted and that there are people around them who care for them.

• Learn and Know what not to say:

In such circumstances, it is possible that you may not know what to say, and end up giving placating words, try to assuage their fears or sometimes say things that end up making them feel guilty.  For example, if your friend or a loved one has suicidal ideation, you may end up telling them that it is wrong to have these self harming thoughts, which will hurt their loved ones, parents, children, spouse etc.

Though this is a logical argument, remember that logical arguments don’t really work when the person is in significant emotional distress. Inadvertently, exacerbating their guilt and shame will not help.

• Engage them in activities:

You can encourage them to join you for a walk out in the nature, or take them out for a cup of coffee, do other activities that they are interested in – find ways to distract them if needed.  Ensure that these activities don’t involve substances like alcohol or any other drugs, which might affect them negatively even more.

• Allow them, encourage them talk and listen to them:

You may find it difficult and uncomfortable listening to the painful things that the person might want to talk about.  So you may end up talking more –  giving advice, giving suggestions,  telling them it’ll all be alright.  What you really need to do, is to listen to what they have to say.  It might be unpleasant, it might evoke a lot of emotions in you as well.  But try to listen to them and be empathetic towards them and their emotional distress. And the pressure that they have, might find a vent when they are able to talk to you openly, when you’re able to give them genuine empathetic listening.

• Take a non-judgemental stance when listening to them:

The reasons that are troubling them may not seem as big to you.  Or they may seem even more difficult to you.  The thoughts of self harm or suicidal ideations may feel wrong to you.  Do not judge them for what they share with you.  It will make them shut down and not open up any further.

• Validate their emotions and their pain. That doesn’t mean self harm is an option:

You might feel that their circumstances aren’t that bad for them to contemplate harming themselves. Do not tell them that their problems are not that bad and they shouldn’t react this way, they are overreacting etc.  This might make them feel even more weak and even more helpless in that situation and feel ashamed about it. At the same time do not say things that would exaggerate their emotions either.

Understand that it is not that people want to die but it is that people do not wish to live anymore in their current circumstances.

• Get them to talk to a Psychologist/Counsellor/Psychiatrist for support:

Get them professional help. Get them to meet with a Psychologist or a Psychotherapist.  If the risk of suicide is really high, they would need to be taken to a hospital, where the potential risk of Suicide and any other underlying medical conditions can be adequately evaluated and treated accordingly.

• In case there is no one to talk to, provide them Helpline details:

There are helplines available which you can share with them, and encourage them to call, in an emergency.  These helplines are manned by people who are trained in suicide prevention.

Few of the Suicide Prevention helpline numbers.

ASRA:  91-9820466726        24 hours, 7 days a week
SNEHA : 91-44-24640050 
Sahai : +91 080 25497777, 988644407511
One Life: +91 78930 78930
Maithri:  0484-2540530
Roshni : 040-66202000
Lifeline: +91 033 24637401, +91 033 24637432

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples in different life situations, facilitate them to explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post How to help a friend at risk of Self harm or Suicide first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

If you think your child or adolescent is at risk of Suicide what can you do?  If your child talks about suicide and talks about not interested in living what can you do as parents?

In today’s world it is very often, that we see children, adolescents, early adults get stressed out by the challenges, failures, and other stress in life.  Depression and anxiety can result when the child is unable to deal with these challenges or cope with the stress that they experience and can also cause suicidal thoughts and behavior.

If your child or adolescent is depressed or anxious it is important that, as parents you get them the requisite help that they need at the earliest.

Above and beyond that, let’s talk about more urgent/serious situations that you are child might be in.  What do you do when your ward is showing suicidal symptoms, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts or behavior?

What are the warning signs that you need to watch out for. If your child or adolescent shows some or any of the following signs, it is an indicator that something is wrong and needs some kind of intervention.

• Showing disinterest in otherwise enjoyable activities, lowered standards of hygiene for a prolonged time period.
• Giving away things to others and closing any pending outstanding items.
• Talks about no point in living, its better that they weren’t alive.
• A sense of helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness.
• Increased or inordinate interest in death and dying.
• Researching on methods of committing suicide, collecting relevant instruments or implements.
• Social isolation, aggressive behavior, risky behavior, self harm.
• Declarations, final statements on social media. Etc.

Some of these can happen as an isolated event as part of the child’s growth and transition process. But when they tend to happen more, along with possible suicidal ideation or behavior, it is high time you intervened.

So as parents what can you do?

1. Stay Calm, don’t panic.

Don’t Panic and react badly. Don’t brush it off either. Stay calm, but it is time to take action.  Don’t blame oneself or your partner either.  Any other conflicts in your family needs to be kept aside till you tide over this.

2. Pay attention. 

Pay attention to what is happening in your child’s life.  Pay attention to what they tell you and what they don’t, to what your child’s regular habits are and whether they have changed drastically in a short period of time.

3. Talk and Listen to your child

Talk to your child. Listen to them.  Do not invalidate your child or adolescent’s pain or troubles.  Do not tell them that you have faced more difficulties in your life compared to your child.  Even when your child is not talking, listen to them.

4. Be aware and be friendly with your teen’s friends, teachers

Be aware of your children’s friends, and be friends with them if possible.  You cannot pick and choose their friends, but acknowledge that friends circle is very important to them. Children or adolescents may confide with their friends, and might have shared suicidal thoughts with their friends.

Touch base with their teachers as appropriate; to check if that has been any drastic change in behavior at school.

5. Be aware of their social media posts

Have the habit of checking your ward’s social media posts. Don’t have to comment or feel the need to engage in social media.  You are not there to snoop on them.  Let them know that you do look at their social media posts.  If you feel that it is important to discuss something, do it in person but in a kind and caring manner.

6. Take it seriously

As parents if you think your child life is at risk or your child has thought about harming themselves, take it very seriously.   If there is any family history of suicide or depression, this increases the risk levels.

7. Try to find out what is bothering them

Talk to your child about what is bothering them? It is OK to ask them if they have been thinking about or considering harming themselves in any manner.  Many a times children are just waiting for someone to ask them, in a loving and supportive manner.

8. Offer them your unconditional love and support.

Make it clear to your child in words and action that you are there for them, no matter what. And that whatever problems that they are facing you are there to support them. And that you will get through this together.  Even if the child is in trouble because of their own fault, it doesn’t mean that the child is bad, but that the behaviour is bad and needs to be corrected.

9. Get them help ASAP.  Watch over them till they get help.

If you think the risk is real, child safety is at risk, take them to a hospital where they can get the requisite support as well as the safety.  You can take the child to any hospital to the emergency room if needed. Child can be evaluated for depression or any other issues as required.  Watch over them closely, till you are able to get help.  Remove any dangerous items from their room or vicinity like sharp objects, ropes, bathroom cleaner, poisonous substances, medications etc.

Do not think of your social standing (and possible unwarranted stigma) but get help for your child immediately.

10. Address the underlying factors without further delay

Once the risk is managed and the child is stable, it is time to evaluate the factors that led to the situation, be it child’s pressures or family issues or other mental health conditions.  Don’t blame the child for any untoward events.  Help them to take responsibility.  This can be done with the help of a Professional and skilled Counsellor or a Psychotherapist or Psychologist.  Personal issues as well as family issues can be addressed with the involvement of the family.    Healthier ways of thinking, managing emotions, coping strategies and handling family issues can be inculcated in the family and the child or adolescent. 

Attempting suicide is no longer a crime in India with the health ministry notifying about the Mental Healthcare Act 2017 that decriminalizes it.   The person needs help, not punishment and shame.  Talking about it takes away the stigma surrounding it.

Here are some Suicide Prevention Helplines in India. 

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Is your child at risk of Suicide? What can parents do? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.