4 types of friends to cherish and not let go

Inner Dawn — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 17:06:09 +0000

As a counsellor / therapist one of my focus areas with my clients would be to help them build / enhance a healthy support system around themselves. One such support system could be having good friends and this is one of the significant steps in their progress.

Friendship is defined as “a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people” (Britannica.com)

We make a lot of friends throughout our life and there are many different kinds of friends that we may come across. And I am not definitely talking about the friends list from social media. Whoever comes into our life has a role to play, some for a short duration and some for long. Some may be fun to be around, have interesting stories to tell, some you may have common interests with, work colleagues, neighbours etc. Many may come into your life and many may move out too.

Here are a few types of friends, whom if you are fortunate to have, are to be cherished and not let go.

1. A friend who believed in you when you yourself didn’t.

When you are doing well there will be a lot of people around you to praise you and want your company. But when things are not going good for you, who is the person who believes in you, when you are doubting yourself. The one who tells you, you can do it, it is just a matter of time, focused effort and encourages you to stay on track.

2. A friend who calls a spade a spade.

Times when you are about to make a mistake or already did, your friend calls out your behaviour in private and tells you that you are making a mistake or a blunder. In public they still have your back and help you address or sort out the mistake / issue.

3. A friend who makes time for you and listens to you.

A lot of people would spend time with you when it is convenient for them. The friend who makes time for you even if it is inconvenient for them is valuable. One of the most precious gift that someone can offer you is the gift of time and attention. They offer you true listening and not judge you.

4. A friend who offers you safety and keeps your secrets.

This friend doesn’t gossip. What you shared with them does not go anywhere from them. You feel safe talking and sharing with them with the knowledge and confidence that what you share with them will remain with them and will not be used against you.

Having good friends can reduce the level of stress, enable you to cope with challenges in a healthy manner and lead to over all enrich your life in multiple ways.

Recognize and value these friendships. They add value to your life and help you grow as a person and be better as a person.

What to you think? Can you think of other highly valuable friendships? Add in the comments section.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in.

The post 4 types of friends to cherish and not let go first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

4 key conversations with parents on pressure to get married

Inner Dawn — Sat, 30 Oct 2021 17:00:26 +0000

Are your parents pressurizing you to get married and you don’t want to or don’t want to yet? This is a fairly common occurrence in Indian families. Here are 4 important conversations to have with your parents.

As a counsellor, I see many clients struggling to explain to their parents, what their preferences are with respect to marriage, whether they want to or not. If they want to, then the kind of person that they would want as their partner and when or whether they feel they are ready for a commitment like marriage. Disagreements impairs open communication and they find themselves at logger heads with parental expectations.

1. Understand the reasons why they want you married:

Your parents may believe that marriage will make you happy secure and supported. They may feel social pressure from relatives to handle questions from them as to why you are not married yet. They may want you to be taken care of once they are not around anymore. They want to see their grandchildren and to have that experience through you. Having an open conversation with your parents about this and getting clarity as to their reasons, would help you have a balanced dialogue with them and help them also feel heard.

This also helps you understand how they feel about your stance regarding marriage. Are they feeling frustrated and angry, fear/worry for your future, longing and anticipation etc.

2. Empathize with your parents:

Understanding where they come from and empathising with them is important, for despite their good intention, their approaches might not sit well with you. This gives you a chance to truly acknowledge and address their fear or worry. If there is a fear about your future without a family, then address it by sharing your plans for the same. It is possible that you may need more time to choose your partner or if you don’t want to get married, what is your plan to secure your own future, old age, infirmity etc. If their concern is about dealing with pesky relatives and others, you can perhaps offer to deal with them directly in a better manner.

3. Clarify and offer your reasons:

Your parents may come from a mindset that certain events need to happen at certain age in your life the way it happened in theirs. And they may have a template about how a family should look like, what happiness is etc. It is possible that your definition of happiness, fulfilment, family, security, support etc could be different from theirs. It is possible that they may not get convinced with your point of view, but it is fair that you offer them your reasons and what you see as your happiness, fulfilment, security in your life.

You also may want to explain your stance regarding children and how it is your responsibility to consider it seriously to make a decision, rather than assume that as a default choice.

4. Parents may need reassurance from you.

Offer them reassurance that you would decide about when, whether and who is right for you. They may consider it their responsibility or duty to get you married. If you would prefer to make a decision by yourself, it is important that you reassure them that you are willing to take the responsibility on your shoulders and you would take decisions when and if it is right for you and how you would prefer their involvement in the process.

If you are still unable to communicate effectively with each other, family counselling, individual counselling, pre-marital counselling could help you find ways to communicate better in your family.