Do you want to feel more optimistic, feel better satisfaction and develop a positive outlook towards life and towards yourself? If you can develop this one simple habit you can build that positive attitude and happiness in yourself – Gratitude. And I can vouch for it from my own personal experience too.

Well I have not been able to post videos for more than a month now. I have been unwell, and it has taken a while for me to recover. The reason I am sharing this is that the topic that I picked up for this video is based on one of the processes that I went through and experienced a significant positive outcome.

Very high fever and body pain and a whole gamut of other issues, Physically in pain, mentally frustrated, and emotionally drained. All that was filling up my mind with negativity, I was wallowing in self-pity and loathing. Then I made a choice to ask for support. And I started receiving support from expected and unexpected quarters. One sent me food, another took me to the hospital, another came down to take care of me, so many enquired about my health every day. 

What really helped me was not just that simple ask, and subsequently accounting for all the support, care and love that I received and feeling gratitude for the same.

So let us find out how to build this habit of gratitude that can offer you potentially limitless benefits.

1. Stop discounting.  Start accounting

If you want to develop a habit of gratitude, it is important that we start accounting for all the big small mini micro good things that are happening all around us. It could be the big promotion that you got, getting parking in a packed lot, everyday things like having running water, electricity, or a cool breeze on your face in the balcony or a cute little flower blooming on the road side or a random baby in mother’s arms – smiling at you.

It is very easy for us to pick out and list out the negatives which are happening with us, things to worry or regret and our brain continues in the same pathway to look for more negatives. In this process we also miss out or discount or minimise the positives around us. I am not saying ignore the problems. But at same time stop discounting and start accounting for all the good happening around you.

2. Taking things for granted.

Ask yourself do you have the habit of taking things for granted? Do you notice and appreciate things that your parents do for you or partner does for you, even if it is done every single day? Do you find yourself noticing it only when it is not available or not happening?

Do you invest and appreciate the people and the relationships around you? Do you express your appreciation for their presence in your life? People around you, be it your partner, your parents, children, friends, neighbours, colleagues each one may enrich your life in their own way.

3. Grateful Start and end for your day

Start your day, when you open your eyes, even before getting off the bed, think about three things that you are grateful for. This is a wonderful way of setting up your mind in a positive frame, to be in a better mood and positive attitude.  This also enables you to account for the good things that happens during the day and a positive mindset to take on whatever the day offers you.

You can send your day by writing down things that you are grateful for either in that day or others in your gratitude journal.

4. Show and express your gratitude

When you are willing to show and express your gratitude not just two others but also to yourself you are building better relationship with others and your own self.  Showing your expressing gratitude is not just about saying thank you. It is important that you really mean it and feel the gratitude when you express it. You can use words and actions to express to others. Internally you can account for your blessings, positive experiences, love and warmth that you receive or have received at some time. Show Express and feel gratitude both internally and to others as well.

Well research has shown that developing the habit of gratitude allows people to experience a lot more positive emotions like excitement curiosity interest joy with an increase in the frequency of these emotions. This one simple habit allows for more positive experiences to occur and be accounted for.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, Transactional Analysis etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling and therapy services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

The post A simple habit for happiness and life satisfaction-Gratitude first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

It is true that we live in a fast paced world. It is a very common complaint that we do not have the time. We don’t have time to really connect with people, to relax, to just be. Can there be simple ways to start living?

Our day is filled with a list of things to do, and we constantly think of the other things which are yet to be done when we are working on one. It also means that we are unable to give the complete focus on our current task.

One example could be – When we are at work we might feel that we need to spend more time with family and when we are with family we might feel that we are not spending more time at work.  Overall there is a sense of dissatisfaction and disappointment in our own performance either in the day or in a time frame.

What are we running towards? A pertinent Question to ask ourselves would be, “Are we living a day at a time or are we moving towards death a day at a time”?  Technically speaking, they are both the same.  But when it comes to the experience of it, the difference can’t be more stark and drastic. Though technically, a glass that is half full or half empty, are the same, but our perception is completely different.

Six things that you can do to start living your life, rather than moving towards death.

1. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the process of purposely bringing attention to experiences occurring in the present moment without judgment.  It also could mean doing one thing at a time and focusing on that one thing and experiencing it fully. Mindfulness helps reduce stress and allows you to be present in the moment.

2. Slow down. Breathe. Take pleasure in the small things

There are 86400 seconds in a day.  You can afford to breathe for a moment, and take a few deep breathes and a few moments for yourself.  Look around, notice things that you have usually rushed past every day. It could be a little flower on the road side or colors of the evening sky or the smile of a child or the breeze on your face. Take notice, allow it to seep in and allow a smile to spread into you. Take pleasure in the small things around you.

3. Prioritize

Make a list of your own priorities both in terms of short term as well as long term.  Also make a list of all the things that you spend time on.  If you find that you are spending time on items which are not your priority either take it off your to do list or delegate to someone else appropriately.

4. Taking digital time outs

Find out how much time you spend on your mobile devices or other digital devices. You can install an app which will give you this information.  Make a plan to reduce the amount of time you spend on digital media. Give yourself a digital time out. Explore the need to spend so much time on these devices. Identify what is essential and what is not.

5. Identify relationships to nurture and build

A Harvard study that was done across 75 years, tried to answer this question – What’s the secret to a happy life? Their most important finding was that – Relationships are the only things that matter in life. Without supportive, loving relationships, you’d be unhappy despite having money, fame, intelligence, career etc.  Identify important relationships that you want to put in effort to nurture. This could be your family or a friend whom you may have lost touch or a friend whom you never told how much you value them. Finding time to nurture these real relationships can be a fulfilling and rewarding initiative.

6. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is the feeling of being thankful, a feeling of appreciation which is different from indebtedness, where you feel obligated to pay it back. If you really look inwards and around yourselves, you will find so many things to feel gratitude for. Its a choice that you have a practice that can become a habit. It can over all enhance your happiness levels and reduce your stress responses.

These small steps will enable you to appreciate the little and big things in your life and around you and experience true living rather than going through the motions.

Let us slow down and smell the roses.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential – face to face Counselling in Bangalore including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling in Bangalore and Online Counselling over video calls for others residing outside Bangalore and abroad.

Reach us at +919632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in. Counselling in Bangalore is provided face to face – in person. For out station requirements, we provide online counselling over video calls.

The post Slow down and smell the roses. Six simple ways to start living first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

We are all creatures of our habits. Some make it a habit to worry, some make it a habit to complain, some make it a habit to daydream, and for some finding faults could be a habit. It could be waking up early or late, habits of drinking and smoking etc, a major portion of our day is spent based upon these habits. I can go on and on about the list of habits that we develop all through our life and how our lives are significantly influenced by our habits.

If that is the case, then the question that arises is why can’t we make it a habit to cultivate those things in us that we seek desperately.  With all the rat race that goes on in today’s world two of the most important things that people want but find it difficult to cultivate or sustain would be happiness and peace.

And the reason why I used the word cultivate here is because of the fact that when we seek happiness outside ourselves it is fleeting and doesn’t sustain and when we find it within ourselves it is complete and lasting. And when I say happiness I don’t mean that we will be ecstatic and euphoric all the time. I don’t mean that there will not be problems in life or that there won’t be sadness or anger or frustrations etc in life. What I mean is how to be happy and peaceful despite all the problems that we face in life.  How do we create and cultivate that happiness within ourselves.

Make happiness a habit. 

Smile, it improves your face value. It improves not just your face value not just your social interactions, but it also can improve your emotional state. From a psychology perspective, your thoughts, emotions and behavior are interconnected and influence one another – The cognitive triangle.

Of course when you are working with a  therapist or a counsellor, they would help you and facilitate you to work on your thoughts and your emotions. But if you want to improve things on your own a simpler place to start would be to change your simple behaviors.

When you smile more it makes you feel energized and happy, which will make you smile even more and do more things to smile more. This is called a positive feedback loop. So this won’t help you deal with any major trauma, problems etc, but overall this can improve your happiness quotient.

Let go of the everyday small and mini irritants.  Everyday we accumulate a lot of irritations which could be small, mini or minute. The problem here is that these irritations get accumulated and over a period and start affecting your mood and you start getting more irritable with whatever is happening at that point time. This could be a small tiff with your co-worker, an argument with a friend, a fight with your partner, the traffic jams that you need to cross while commuting, a device crash, tantrum by your child and so on. Each one of these things might irritate you a bit but when it accumulates, it stresses you a lot more and takes away your happiness even more. Being aware of it gives you a chance to acknowledge the same but also to let go of it, with the understanding that these don’t matter in the larger scheme of things, unless it is chronic in nature. It is good to gain perspective.  Holding on to these only stresses you and robs you of potential opportunities to feel and be happy.

Slow down and be mindful. In the whole day that we are awake how much of the time are we actually mindful of what we are doing and what is happening to us? How much of the time do we just go through the day in a haze of routine and being unaware of, unmindful of what is happening. Being mindful gives you multiple opportunities to observe and derive happiness from random event random people random objects which you come across and cultivate that within you. This could give you more opportunities to smile. Being mindful makes you be present in the present and experience it completely without any judgement.

Gratitude is another excellent way to cultivate happiness within yourself. Expressing gratitude not just to others, but to yourself, your environment, your circumstances, your family etc. No person, no circumstance, no family is perfect. At the same time there are also positive and good aspects present nevertheless.  The gratitude process makes you look, seek and recognize the good things that are present in you in your environment and the good things that are happening around you. This process makes you look, and recognize the things, traits, situations that you are grateful for and gives an excellent platform to cultivate the happiness and peace that you want.

Happiness is a choice. You can make happiness a habit. You can choose and feel and experience happiness everyday, no matter what happens in that day.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Make happiness a habit first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.