Emotional intimacy is a significant requirement for a relationship to flourish. As a couple therapist, one of the common issues that couples come into therapy with is finding their emotional connection low or lost or deteriorated. In couple therapy, the couple find different ways to meaningfully connect with each other understand their own emotions and their partner’s emotions. Relationship therapy also facilitates them to use this understanding to empathize with each other bringing them closer.

1. Offer genuine appreciation to your partner

On any given day, there will always be something that your partner just for you which could be an everyday thing. It is important to not take these for granted, and offer an appreciation or acknowledgement to your partner. You could also appreciate them regarding things that they have done in the past, any specific characteristic or treat that you like about them, regarding their accomplishments, personality etc. Applying some innovative thought would help you arrive at new and novel ways to appreciate your partner. Its is key that you mean what you offer as appreciation to your partner.

2. Express your emotions to each other and be vulnerable.

You can express your emotions and ask for your partner’s listening and validation. This allows you to be vulnerable and open with your partner. It is important to build up the capacity to hold each other emotionally and talk about more difficult areas of concern.  This not just saying ‘I Love you’ to each other, but also sharing your concerns, fears and dreams with each other. Its easy to show anger, but can you also show your tender emotions with each other?

3. Stay interested and ask about your partners day or project

Develop interest and show it to your partner that what happens in their life or their work is important and interesting for you. And if they express any difficulty ask them what kind of support they need (which is feasible), that would make them feel better. Do not by any chance minimize the value of their contribution or interest.

4. Share your experiences with each other

That could be so many things that you may not know about each other. You could share about your childhood, or your earlier work experiences, your college life or other experiences with your friends and so on. Sharing what you like what you prefer and why you prefer the same etc, allows your partner to have a very close and personal view into your life, allowing them to feel special and close to you.

5. Allocating time to spend with each other to have these conversations.

In today’s hectic world it is important to schedule time to spend with each other if needed block it on your calendars. Talk about how you want to spend this time with each other and what you want to share.

6. Find something exciting to do together

Spending time together also could be doing an activity which both of you find fun and exciting. This could be a new game to play or a physical activity like jogging, gym, a trek, camping, travel, yoga, a hobby like gardening, bird watching etc. When both of you are doing an activity together it is important to not get competitive with each other to a point of losing interest or building resentments.

7. Talk about your relationship – regularly

It is important for couples to spend some time regularly talking about your relationship and to take stock of what is working for you and what is not. It is important that this is done with a non-blaming stance and in a constructive manner. This becomes a very potent way to find areas to improve your relationship and to acknowledge each other.

Note: When your partner is sharing something with you, please keep your digital devices away and offer full attention and listening.  

If you are seeking to find emotional connection with your partner or to enhance the same, couple therapy is a possible option to consider. Many a times past hurts and misunderstandings also can cause emotional intimacy to deteriorate. These past events, though cant be changed, the emotional impact of them still resides with you and can be resolved with adequate attuned empathy from each other, in a warm and safe setting, facilitated by the couple therapist.

Read more here about how conversations help build emotional intimacy

Read more about how vulnerability is key to emotional intimacy

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

The post 7 ways to build emotional intimacy in your relationship first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Today we do live in a world where work life balance has become a cliche. The mad rush and the rat race when it comes to career, financial growth and status has become the norm.

Today our social connections are measured more by the likes and shares and the list of friends on the social networking apps.

It is often found to be a struggle to find the right balance between having flourishing career as well as fulfilling and satisfying close personal relationships, be it family or friends. Research suggests that having a good close personal / social network in the real world has a significant positive influence on one’s health, longevity and happiness.

The ubiquitous use of gadgets and digital connects, though it does brings people back in touch, to establish a meaningful connection, real world interactions are essential. Sadly many a times, these act as a barrier in real world connections. When I mean real world interactions I mean not just posts and likes; forwards and smileys and stickers.

Whether it is family or friends, nurturing and nourishing the relationships are absolutely essential to make them meaningful. Now, this is not a one time one off activity. It needs to be a continuous ongoing effort. Though sometimes the initial excitement and the spark might have gotten dimmed, it is up to you to bring back the spark and shine in these valued relationships.

The most important caution here is to not take these relationships for granted. Sometimes boredom can set in. It is important to show genuine care towards your family and friends, take genuine interest in their life, and be involved.

Emotional connection is the antidote to emotional isolation. Emotional isolation can result from social isolation, superficial relationships, lack of time to truly connect with family and friends, constant digital distractions, focusing on the rat race etc.

Rather than focusing on getting likes on your perfect selfie or holiday pics, rather than gossip and just hangout, if you can focus on strengthening our relationships with family and friends, through real meaningful conversations, true sharing and caring, emotional connections can be strengthened.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better

The post Emotional Connections – for health, longevity and happiness first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.