As Indians, we take pride in being a family-oriented culture. Our families do take precedence and priority in our lives. Parents often make significant sacrifices for their children’s comfort, growth, and progress. Respect for elders is one of the primary values that we were taught as children. Despite that, the instances of elder abuse that are surfacing in the news and media are quite disturbing.

In today’s digital age, not much remains hidden. Visuals that are circulating in the news and media, where elders in the family are being beaten up by their own family members, unwell elderly family members are being abandoned, the elderly are being stripped of their own dignity, rights, and denied basic human needs like food, medical care, and shelter in their own families. These are undoubtedly cases of outright crimes and instances of elder abuse.

Hidden nature of Elder abuse. The role of shame.

Yet for every abuse which is revealed this way, I can only assume that there must be many more which go unnoticed, unreported, which remain hidden, which continue to happen, within the confines of the four walls of what is called a home, a space that is supposed to be safe, and yet the elderly are reduced to a burden and bound to shame. That means so much remains hidden out of sight and goes unreported.

The emotional reality of elders, even if they are financially secure

My mom underwent a significant surgery about 3 months ago. And I stayed with her for the last 3 months to take care of her. Living with my parents, in their environs, gave me an opportunity to get to know their friends and neighbours, their social circle. It shouldn’t have surprised me that about 90% of my mom’s and my dad’s friends’ children all live abroad. I found out that for most of them, the parents and their adult children communicate/talk perhaps once a week or even less.

Some of these senior citizens are healthy, and some are struggling with health issues. Though they try to stay occupied with their activities, social circles, smartphones, and everyday activities, talking with them gave me a sense of a void that they all feel, with respect to the distance (both physical and emotional) from their own adult children and families. Though life expectancy has increased, health and quality of life deteriorate with age. Changing family structures means the elderly are bound to experience loneliness and isolation.

The longing for physical presence and emotional availability from children, not just during serious health issues or bereavement

When there are serious health issues, their children, most of them turn up. But it is painful for the parents to constantly live with this uncertainty,  not knowing whether their children will come or not to take care of them. Many times, they come when the parent has passed away.

And among elderly couples, when one of them passes away, it’s incredibly painful for the other to live and manage alone, with limited support from others, especially with their own children being so far away.

The proliferation of Senior Citizens Residences and facilities (marketed as Paradise and the like) shows us a stark mirror of this social reality. That even if there may be financial support/security for elders, yet, there is a dearth of physical presence and emotional availability of their dearest, their grown-up children and grandchildren. No matter how much the elders try to compensate with other aspects of their life or other relatives and friends, the empty look and longing in their faces left me feeling haunted.

The pain of elderly who are dependent on others financially

And for the elderly who are not financially secure and are dependent on their children, unless there is understanding, empathy, and respect from their families, their later life journey can be quite painful and onerous. Without the loving support from their families, their everyday needs can become a challenge and uncertain.

Other subtle forms in which elder abuse/mistreatment shows up

Elder abuse need not happen in such overt terms. It can be subtle neglect, being ignored, disrespect in interactions, or their needs being discounted, among other things. The recent trend of senior citizens looking for therapy for issues like neglect from family, distance from loved ones, disrespect by family members, depression, anxiety, etc., is indicative of a deeper malaise. Though it is positive that they are aware and willing to seek support, it highlights a degradation of some of the fundamental structures of our society, “the family”. It is high time that we open our eyes to it and ask ourselves what we need to do about it.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 14 June 2025.

Read more at: https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/alarming-rise-in-verbal-abuse-complaints-from-city-s-senior-citizens-3585485

The post Elder Abuse and Neglect in families – The Hidden Crisis first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Do you experience any emotional distance between you and your partner?
Do you feel that you don’t connect with each other anymore the way you used to?
Do you find that your conversations have dried up and has become transactional?
Do you want to rekindle your emotional connection in your relationship?

If the answers to these questions are ‘Yes’, then you are at the right place.

In our Latest video on Inner Dawn Youtube channel I talk about exactly this. Here is the detailed content of the same.

Emotional connection and healthy attachment are the basic glue that creates the bond between people in a relationship. And when this emotional connection fades and declines, you may experience it as boredom, disinterest, conflicts getting escalated, overall a deterioration in the quality of your relationship.

Many couples come in to therapy with a complaint that they are drifting apart from each other and are unable to reconnect. They think they have lost love in the relationship. Well I tell them that it is possible to reconnect and rebuild and read ignite The Spark in the relationship if they are willing to put effort into it. Relationships can make life fulfilling and at the same time can be the biggest challenge that we face.

Before I get into what could you do differently, I think it is important to also highlight how to go about these.

There are three significant aspects/processes to be kept in mind.

1. What you think or believe (Cognitions)
2. How you feel about it emotionally (Emotions)
3. What you do in action (Behaviour)

It is important that you involve all the 3 processes in this. That means you need to involve your thinking, involve your emotions feel what you feel, and act accordingly.  And if any of these three or not aligned then the impact is not felt.

What I mean is if you love your partner and if you want to say that you love your partner then and it is important to think about something that you really love about your partner, feel that love emotionally, perhaps even in your body and then express that in words or in action to your partner. That is when it will be received recognised and acknowledged by your partner.

And remember, if you are doing things differently now, initially it might seem or feel a bit weird or artificial or it might be difficult for your partner to truly receive what you are offering. It takes time, and consistent effort to build things in a relationship.

So with that background lets get started.

1. Make time and effort to appreciate your partner

If you ask why should I appreciate or acknowledge my partner? Our Whole life is a process of seeking getting and offering acknowledgement to others and for ourselves. It allows us to be better do better, and when we don’t, it takes us towards discontent and the slippery slope of taking the other for granted.

So if you tell me what is there to appreciate or that I don’t know what to appreciate or that my partner already knows all these things what is new about it – then you are missing the point.

Let me ask you a question. If I ask you to list down 10 things that you don’t like or 10 complaints about your partner, I am sure you will be lightning fast and come up with them in a jiffy. In that case why is it so difficult to come up with things that you really appreciate about your partner.

Go back in memory lane and think of the good times that you had with each other, think of the time when you chose each other to be partners in life, you did see something in each other and made the choice isn’t it?

You can appreciate your partner for any characteristic or trait that they have like honesty, kindness, genuineness, perseverance, meticulous, and so on.  Or for what they do or what they did in the past or something that they do everyday or any accomplishment small or big. It need not be of huge significance to be acknowledged.

When you don’t truly acknowledge your partner – every single day –  the risk of taking them for granted is very high and that’s usually a very common reason for loss of emotional connection and further relationship damage.  80% of the couples that I see, have atleast one partner saying that they feel unappreciated, taken for granted and they conclude that they are unloved.

Between the two of you identify 15 minutes a day, sit down in private, look at of each other make eye contact and offer atleast 3 heartfelt appreciations to each other and see how you feel after that.

2. Every day ask your partner what you can do for them to make their day better, make their life easier and less stressful

If you tell me that you do care for your partner but your partner can’t see or feel your care then there is no point.  It is important for you to show care in a way that your partner needs and then they are able to see and recognise and acknowledge the same.

Tell your partner that you have 15 minutes or X minutes and you would like to do something in that time to make their life easier or better.  Make that 15 minutes of your time for making your partner’s life better and easy. This could be doing a chore, some work or anything of their choice

Now don’t tell me oh I’m busy. And I don’t have the time.  The real question is, is your relationship worth that 15 minutes that you spend on it?

Spend the 15 minutes doing the agreed activity. Here you are showing that you care for your partner in action.  Don’t crib or complain or inside your head – “oh no” or resent it. And don’t think you are doing a favour to your partner.  You are showing Care, and letting your partner receive care, which can help move towards better emotional connection

3. Be involved and interested in your partner’s work or life or projects

How many times do you really ask about how your partner’s day went? How much do you really show interest and involvement in what your partner does? This is not mean you ask a question and then get lost into your mobile or drift off mentally. This means asking them and keenly listening to their response and responding to that.

Your partner might be a working professional or could be a stay at home partner or running a business or work for another company. How much do you show interest in what your partner is involved in?

If you don’t, it is high time you do that. Any work that your partner does is important and there is dignity of labour and it needs to be respected and acknowledged.

Make it a point to ask them everyday how their day went? Were there any problems, any highlights, any challenges in their day that they faced. It may or may not be necessary for you to solve them or understand their work completely, but to be curious, to listen to and stay interested in your partner’s life and activities.

And do this with genuine interest and involvement and by that you are conveying that what you do, what happens to you really matters to me.

So here we are. If you are able to involve all the three faculties mentally, emotionally and behaviourally this could be a very good starting point for you to reignite that emotional connection with your partner.

If you have unresolved conflicts in your relationship or recurring escalating conflicts happening between the two of you or any significant damage to your relationship then it might be a good idea to seek relationship counselling or therapy. You can also seek couple therapy to improve your relationship even before these challenges arise.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling and therapy services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, TA etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling.

The post How to improve emotional connection in your relationship first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.