3 simple ways to stop beating yourself up
Sometimes the mistakes we make in life could be small little errors and sometimes it could be major blunders too. It is humanely impossible to not make any mistakes at all. And many a times we would find ourselves beating ourselves up. Many a times we may face failures despite putting our best efforts. And sometimes our standards are so high and then we don’t meet them consistently, and then also we may beat ourselves up.
The scenarios can possibly be endless. It could be telling the wrong thing to someone, making a incorrect choice or decision, not grabbing an opportunity, not reaching specific milestones that you have set for yourself, not being able to give adequate focus on your relationships or work on the other side and I can keep going on and on.
If you are constantly criticizing yourself, looking for perfection, putting yourself down, finding mistakes in what you have done, and if it was a mistake – unable to forgive yourself and move on, then you are denying an opportunity for yourself to learn and to grow as a person. It becomes extremely difficult for you to acknowledge your own achievements and strengths. You keep punching yourself down, not allowing yourself to recover, recuperate and learn.
3 simple ways to stop beating yourself up.
- Practice self compassion
In simple words self compassion is about being kind and empathetic towards oneself. This includes acknowledging what you have done or what has happened, the impact of it, at the same time also acknowledging that we are only human. When we are faced with a failure or mistake or flaw etc, it enables us to take responsibility for our actions of the past, present and future. Self compassion is not self pity, where we don’t take responsibility for our actions and blame others or the situation. Self compassion means we allow ourselves to make mistakes, but also take responsibility for them and learn from them.
- Take responsibility for your actions
Taking responsibility for your actions means, you learn from your mistakes, grow as a person, and move on in life positively. Taking responsibility is very different from blaming oneself. Taking responsibility is a positive movement and is empowering where as blaming oneself makes one feel helpless and dis-empowered. When you take responsibility, you don’t make the same mistake again and also do what it takes to address the damage caused by your actions.
This also means you can see mistakes as opportunities to become better and to propel your personal-growth.
- Take the power away from the Inner critic
You can silence the inner critic in multiple ways. Maintaining gratitude journal, identifying evidence of previous successes, challenging the criticism if it were really true (usually these criticisms are in absolutes), practicing mindfulness, identifying your own positives and strengths, using humor, gaining perspective – in the overall scheme of things where does this mistake stand, asking yourself whether you would be as harsh to a very close friend, not comparing yourself to others etc.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.