It is been recent habit of mine – whenever I am in the midst of nature, I make it a point to sit down on the ground and try to observe the tiny beings in nature. This time I found this tiny plant, with tinier white flowers in green background arranged in a particular manner thrusting through the foliage almost like a triumphant show case to the rest of the world. 

I found the intricate arrangements, contrasting colors extremely beautiful, that I was delighted to capture in this Super Macro Picture.

For a moment I thought, what would this plant feel if it were capable of feeling emotions? I thought it would have felt beautiful, successful, proud, accomplished and satisfied – in essence happy.

Upon reflection, it was very interesting to observe that it is such a contrast that we find it so difficult to feel so ourselves, though there may be hundreds of reasons to feel good about ourselves. And why is it so difficult?

So here are 5 factors that essentially diminish our capability to be happy, proud and satisfied with ourselves in our lives.

1. Comparison

When you compare yourself with others who have more, you end up feeling envious, frustrated, incapable, not good enough etc. Fact of the matter is that no two people’s circumstances are the same; neither will be their progression in life. Such comparison makes you feel small, insignificant and worthless and brings down your self-worth and self esteem.

2. Blame

Whether you blame yourself or you blame others around you or your circumstances, it takes away your capacity to take responsibility for yourself and to be able to take a positive affirmative action that is needed to be done.  Blame de-motivates you, de-energizes you and makes you feel like a victim, feeling helpless and hopeless. It robs you of the possibility of joy, happiness and satisfaction in your life

3. Lack of gratitude

When you are unable to see and appreciate what you have, you only end up highlighting what you don’t have. The inability to see the simple small little joys of life makes it not possible to feel grateful for the same. Despite the challenges that life throws at you there would still be things in your life that you can be grateful for.  

4. Regret – Living in the past

The practice of living in the past, ruminating over it, regrets, guilt etc form a vicious cycle that does not allow you to live in the present, to live in the now. It doesn’t allow you to learn from the past, or even if you have learnt, doesn’t allow you to implement those learnings in the present.

5. Excessive Worry – Living in the future

On the other side is living in the future, ruminating over the possibilities, feeling worried and anxious about the possible challenges or consequences in the future. This kind of excessive worry does not allow you to make plans and take effective actions to build a bright future. Rather it becomes an impediment in utilizing the present to make efforts to build the future.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Understanding the barriers to happiness first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Consider this scenario where you believe – I am not good enough. I am unworthy, incapable, incompetent.

When you feel this way about yourself, you feel demotivated, are low on energy and low on confidence. This would cause you to do what ever that you try to do poorly and that in turn would make you continue to feel the same way. Do you see the vicious cycle that you are stuck in.

Can you break this cycle? Certainly.

Self esteem is a sense of ones own value and worth. How we value ourselves and how we perceive our value to others. It is an emotional evaluation of oneself. When you have a poor evaluation about yourself, it is one of the main hurdles that you face in the attempt to realizing your full potential.

Your low self esteem may have been built over a period of time. For some it may have started from childhood. For some, a significant event may have made you start feeling this way about yourself.

A lot of people with low self esteem, tend to label themselves and generalize their failures.

If I do a bad job, then concluding that – I am not good enough.
If I fail in my exam, then concluding that – I am a failure
If my lover leaves me heart broken, then concluding that – I am not worthy enough. And I will never find love.

What is required is a change in perspective.
If I do a bad job, Its is an opportunity for me to learn.
If I fail in my exam, I get to know where are my weaknesses and work on them.
IF my lover leaves me, then my lover doesn’t deserve me. And I also know what mistakes that I did which I should not repeat.

Another way of improving your self esteem is to stop the negative messages that you give yourself and give yourself positive affirmations.

The post Self Esteem – How Low Self esteem affects us first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

The concept of midlife is changing every decade.  Some decades back, 50 and above would be mid life.  The last couple of decades, midlife was above 40.  As of now, we call 30s as early mid life and late 30 as the beginning of mid-life.

Mid life is that uncomfortable time when you may start questioning your life choices, regarding your career; life partner; family and friends; and perhaps everything.

It’s a time when you don’t feel secure about the present, may feel regret when you think of the past and feel apprehensive when you think of the future.

Midlife crisis may be about significant emotional impact due to varied events or situations that happen. When some of these happen concurrently, a crisis may get precipitated. This could be hitting a road block in your career, a job loss or change, financial crisis, death of a parent or a loved one, divorce, children becoming fairly independent, sudden illness, near death experience etc.

Mid life crisis can be a period of self-doubt and self esteem issues may come up.  Different parts of your life may get affected.

Work life :  This could be a time when you may feel overwhelmed, feel a loss of purpose or identity.  After achieving a good growth in your career during early years, now your career growth at your profession may stagnate and if you are someone who gets a lot of validation from your work, you can feel unimportant, feel that your work doesn’t make any difference or that you are not being recognized or rewarded for your work. A Job change or a job loss may also make you question your sense of worth.

You may feel regret at lost opportunities or unfulfilled potential, question the decisions made earlier in life and the validity of those decisions.

Personal life : You may feel anger towards your life partner and may resent many things that you liked earlier. You may feel that the relationship has kept you from achieving your potential in other areas.

Your sex life may hit a low and you could possibly feel attracted to someone outside and crave for an intense intimate relationship.

For home makers, this is the time when children become more independent. This could make you kind of feel redundant questioning the value of yourself and an overall feeling of lack of direction.

Body Image : Mid life could bring about doubts about yourself.  It could make you feel a sense of loss of youth and beauty and strength.  Wrinkles may creep in, your waist line may increase, greys appear or increase, physical exertions could leave you panting for breathe.

You may end up questioning your own value and worth on account of this. This also may lead you to avoid doing things that interests you or that you used to have fun doing.

Mid-life need not become a crisis. But if it does, seek support for yourself.  Talking to a counsellor / therapist, who is supportive and accepting can help deal with your situation in a more effective manner.

Read more on how to deal with Midlife Crisis in our next post , Dealing with Mid-life Crisis.

If you would like to meet with a professional counsellor call us at +91 96321 46316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

We provide professional and confidential counselling services at different locations in Bangalore – Jayanagar, Koramangala, Cox Town, Marathahalli, Mahadevpura.

The post What is Mid-Life Crisis? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.