Day in and day out when I look at the news, every second or third item is about some harassment, molestation, rape or murder of a woman or the girl child. A good question for us to ponder is – Do we as a society understand – Consent and Respect of the other?

What is even more shocking are these recent reports of young children, adolescents, minors engaging in molestation, sexual assault or even rape against even younger children.

In a recent incident in Bangalore, a 10 year old boy allegedly groped a woman in a residential locality, which was captured on video. The women raised an alarm and confronted the boy. The woman said that people believed her only when she showed them the video.

Where do children learn these inappropriate behaviours?

Where do children learn these inappropriate behaviours? How do they get to believe that they can act like this and will not face any consequences? If a child thinks that touching another person inappropriately / forcefully / with out their consent – is okay, what can they do next, unless they get to learn that this NOT OK. Who is responsible to teaching the child that such behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE, WRONG and PROHIBITED.

It is important to understand that people who commit major crimes, do not start with that. They may have started with petty crimes and graduate to more heinous ones.

On other hand smart phones and internet are in the hands of every child. Unrestricted and unsupervised access to internet – leads them to view pornography. Horrendous videos of molestation and rape are available openly on the internet. Children access them and attempt to imitate them in real life, with no understanding or fear of what is NOT OK about it.

Objectification of women is so rampant and is celebrated in Media – be it movies, music videos, lyrics and social media. Recent success and popularity of movies where women are getting beaten or subjugated, shows a mirror to the societal reality.

Are we condemning such behaviour or condoning ?

Every single person that justifies this action or online comments that defend / trivialize such incidents are condoning – encouraging this behaviour. On the other side the societal expectation is that the person molested / assaulted / harassed would not speak up and if they do, there are enough people around to shame them in real life and online.

Are we teaching our children our wards Consent and Respect ?

How do we as a society contribute to this degradation, and how can we learn to be responsible enough to ensure that everyone, especially children learn to respect boundaries (their own and others’), understand consent, understand what is appropriate and what is inappropriate?

We all, as parents, families, social groups – neighbours, teachers, society as a whole are responsible to teach appropriate behaviours and censure inappropriate behaviours. That it wont happen to my child or my child will not act inappropriately, needs to be a belief – that is rooted in reality – based on what we imbibe in our children.

Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 20-Nov-24

https://www.deccanherald.com/india/karnataka/bengaluru/new-concern-sex-crimes-by-kids-3283493

The post Consent and respect – What you need to teach your child first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

When clients come in for relationship therapy / couple therapy I usually tell them that a relationship is built on four pillars – that is commitment, trust, respect and communication.

And somewhere these pillars are also interconnected, that when any damage to one is left unaddressed, it will somewhere also indicate or induce damage to others over a period of time.

In this article I talk about the pillar of respect.  Mutual respect is an essential component towards a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Here are five ways in which disrespect can show up in your relationship damaging one of core pillars of the relationship.

1. Do you often find Sarcasm, put downs, contempt in communication with your partner?

When you communicate with each other do you see a lot of sarcasm being exchanged? Do you put down each other or insult each other, call each other names? Do you feel contempt towards each other? Contempt is an extreme form of disrespect – it’s a feeling that the other person has no worth and is beneath consideration.

2. Disinterest in what you do 

Is your partner interested or disinterested in your pursuits – which could be your career, your interests or something that you are passionate about? Does your partner ask you about what’s happening in your life with respect to your interests, encourage you?

3. Not showing care for your physical and emotional health

Does your partner show in words and action that they care about your physical or emotional health? Do they attend to your needs, be it supporting you when you are unwell, asking you about your health, taking you to the hospital as needed, getting you medicines, talking and listening to you, offering kind words, a loving touch?

4. Not listening / not interested in communicating

Listening and offering attention is a significant way of showing respect. Are you the only one who is attempting at conversation? Is your partner on phone all the time when you are trying to talk to them? Are they zoned out when you are talking to them? Do they interrupt you all the time not allowing you to finish expressing your thoughts?

5. Lying / dishonesty

Are you both honest with each other? Dishonesty can creep in many ways like lying of omission or lying of commission. Lying by omission is the intentional exclusion of important information. Lying by commission is providing false information intentionally. This could also situations where you do something that your partner would not be comfortable with and you hide it from them.

When you allow disrespect to continue with out being addressed, it will damage the relationship further in the other areas as well.  In a way when you allow disrespect to continue, you are also contributing for the deterioration of the relationship.

Talk to your partner and make a sincere attempt to identify and address the core issue. If that is not effective, couple therapy could be a possibility that you can pursue. As a couple therapist, I see many couples arrive at therapy after years of conflict and disrespect. Some even may have met a lawyer and considering divorce and see therapy as the last resort. Though it may be possible to work on your relationship at any stage, the earlier that you seek support the better you can seek the outcomes that you are looking for.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in.

The post Five ways in which disrespect shows up in your relationship first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.