We all need to fail.   Yes, and learn to fail successfully.

Does this surprise you? How to fail successfully? Doesn’t it look like an oxymoron?  Let me tell you – no, it is not and I will substantiate it.

Yes failures could be unpleasant, painful and frustrating. And there could be a tendency to avoid it at any cost. But it is important to realize that failures are also very valuable in life, to learn, to grow, and even to thrive.

When a child is born, it is new to this world, and this world is also new to the child.  Starting from the air it breathes, to the environment born into, every person around the child, it is a new experience. Even as a new born infant, the baby has to learn to latch on to the mother’s breasts to feed. The baby fails many times but when it learns to feed, it has tasted success.

When child starts growing up, and tries to walk, it falls down multiple times and even gets hurt some times. The child is facing failure. It is painful.  But it continues to keep trying and learns to walk and run and play.

At every stage when the child learns to do new things, learn new skills, the child is faced with failure repeatedly and overcoming those failures brings in the growth path for the child.

Somewhere along the way of growth –  moving to school, grow up into adolescence and even  becoming adults – many forget what was learnt as an infant and a child –  how to fail and overcome it, and become scared of failures, struggle to cope with failures, try to avoid failures, find it difficult to be able to surmount failures. There could be multiple reasons to this – including expectations being set on them by others, expectations set of self, encouraged to seek only success, critical or unsupportive environment, overprotected environment, difficult life experiences etc.

This can result in the person perceiving any failure as a disaster and catastrophe. The recent spurt of suicides that have happened due to the results in PU exams shows the disturbing trend that the levels of resilience are dangerously low. 

Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from negative life circumstances, difficult events, trauma, adversity, tragedy, threats, stressful situations and to be able to adapt and cope.

In this age of instant gratification, where everything is available at the touch of a button, where the image being portrayed on social media is very important, where success is defined in specific ways, it is not surprising that the level of resilience has been spiralling down.

After a fall when you get up and move ahead you learn. After a loss, hurt, when you grieve and move on, you learn.  You learn to appreciate what you have, you learn to recognize and value your own strengths.  When you make a mistake, you learn from it and become wise and prudent.

It is very important that the perspective of seeing failure as a disaster, to shift and to be seen as stepping stones to success, growth, learning, strength and progress.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Value in learning to fail successfully first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Everybody wants to be happy.  And some people do seem to be more happy than others.  Success is a relative term, happiness need not be.  Many a times, you give away happiness to other people, give them power and control over your life. And sometimes you keep waiting for something to happen to be happy. It is perfectly fine to be happy when good things happen extrinsically. But it also means that external occurrences can pull down your happiness as well and can make you feel low.

There is never going to be a time when all the problems of life are addressed and there is no other new issues which are coming up and nothing is really bothering you. There will always be something.

There will be days when you are just in a low mood, irritable, or something is nagging at the back of your mind and you are not able to focus in the present.  But your presence is needed in the now.  In general when you are feeling down, these are 6 quick and easy ways that you can make yourself feel better, more positive and increase your energy levels.

6 ways to instantly feel better and positive

1. Feel and document Gratitude

Take a piece of paper on a notepad, and write down three things that you are grateful for in your life.  This can be a significant major aspect of your life, or it could be the everyday experiences that you feel grateful for. Writing things down is a way of concretising these thoughts in your mind and not be just fleeting thoughts.  Identifying the things that you are grateful for, immediately shifts your perspective, and makes you also focus on the positive things in your life.

2. Complete a mini goal

Identify a small activity which may be in your to do list, or any other activity which you have been thinking of, which can be done in a short period of time. This could be an activity to clean up your desk, reduce some clutter, arrange your wardrobe, or even to make a to do list. Quickly finish the activity and allow yourself to feel the sense of completion of the task – sense of accomplishment. Even the smallest of the activities – a mini goal – when completed gives the sense of accomplishment and motivates you to go further.

3. Smile – even if it feels artificial

Smile – it definitely improves your face value.  But how to smile when you are down in the dumps, when you are feeling low?  Scientists have found that when you smile, that is – when your facial muscles move in a particular way that indicates a smile, it also gives feedback to your brain that you are happy about something. And your brain would find something that fits the bill.  Even if this feels artificial, this can be beneficial; reducing your stress levels and can bring up feelings of happiness.

4. Breathe

Breathe.  Inhale deeply, for about 5 seconds, till you feel your diaphragm expand and your abdomen feels full. Then exhale completely for about five seconds.  Even taking 3 deep breaths can calm you down and lower your stress levels. Focus on your breath in these three cycles and whenever you find your mind wander gently bring it back to your breath.

5. Stretch

Stretch your muscles and then let them relax. Move your neck in different directions and try to stretch and then release.  Arch your back stretch and release. Stretch your legs tighten your calves and release, stretch your feet at ankles, rotate them and release. Stretch your hands, rotate your wrists, close your fingers tighten them into a first and then release. You can do this in a very short period of time and feel the relaxation and energy that flows into you.

6. Be mindful, be in the moment

You can practice mindfulness at any place at any time. You can do this in about a minute also. Sit comfortable where ever you are with your feet on the ground and hands resting comfortably. For these 60 seconds be fully aware of all the sounds that are happening around you. Next be aware of your body, your hands on the chair, your back against the resting surface and your feet on the floor.  Any time that other thoughts stream back in to your mind, be aware of them and gently bring your focus back. Feel the sensations on your skin and scan your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. Practicing mindfulness is an excellent way to come back into the here and now.

When you have problems which are very significant, they do need to get addressed.  Or when you find that your low mood is persistent for a prolonged period of time, you do need to take the right kind of treatment and see a doctor or a therapist as needed.  If you are struggling with a specific life issue and unable to deal or cope with it, taking to a professional counsellor or a therapist could facilitate your movement in the direction that you choose. 

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post 6 easy ways to instantly feel better when you are feeling down first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.