Who doesn’t want a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life, Fulfilling relationships? Don’t we all want to be a better version of ourselves? So what stops us? Where do we get stuck? And why? What are the barriers that stop us from growth, from moving forward? A good question to ask would be why do I think, feel and act the way I do?

I am Kala Balasubramanian, founder of inner Dawn counselling, Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist. I have been working with people from different walks of life since more than 10 years now facilitating their movement, towards their goals. In the channel I will attempt to answer some of these questions. I would like to share the understanding and experience that I have gained in life and in my work as a Psychotherapist, with the hope that these videos will offer you new ways to understand yourself better, your situation better through the lens of psychology. So that you can learn understand and gain skills to bring to your barriers and create a life for yourself that you have always wanted.

Let me make it clear that the videos in the channel are not a replacement for counselling, therapy, treatment or medical advice as appropriate. Having said that in my next video would attempt to bunk some of the myths around counselling and therapy and give you a sense of what the counselling process is about.

I look forward to this journey together with you towards health growth and awareness.

The post Inner dawn YouTube channel. What do we offer here? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

You have been in therapy for a while and if you feel stuck and you not progressing for quite some time, what can you do about it? Therapy/counselling is a process and it takes time, effort and involvement. So don’t jump to this conclusion very quickly without going through the process.

1. Talk to your therapist about how you feel about therapy.

Talk to your therapist and bring it up.  Express how you feel about therapy and your therapist, even if you think it is not positive, there is value in expressing how you feel and processing it with your therapist. That itself could be a therapeutic process and might help you move forward.

You can discuss what works and what doesn’t for you, where you feel stuck and what do want from the therapy process.  Your therapist will take your concerns seriously without becoming defensive and perhaps could change their approach / pace and would openly discuss with you and collaborate to address your concerns.

2. Reflect on what is your level of involvement in the therapy process.

Therapy is an involved process.  It is a purposeful relationship that you and your therapist are voluntarily involved in, towards a defined outcome. Are you only discussing on and on about your problems? Therapy is a space where you seek change. Your therapist cannot make you change, its an internal process which can only be facilitated for you, with your consent.

It’s a good practice to reflect on, “What am I here for?  What am I willing to do to reach my defined purpose? What feelings emerge for me, when I think of change or moving forward?” This could be starting from doing the activity/homework that you agreed upon or reflection/introspection process or journaling and so on. Your therapist may gently explore with you if there are any payoffs (hidden benefits) for remaining where you are.

There might be unconscious ties to your current situation, behaviour, relationships which could be painful but familiar to you from your own past history.  Familiarity could be perceived unconsciously as safety and a change be seen as dangerous unknown territory. 

3. Are you able to be open and honest with your therapist?

How open and honest are you with your therapist? Do you feel safe and comfortable to talk to your therapist about anything about yourself or your experiences? Have you hidden or avoided discussing any important incidents or experiences which come up for you? Clients can experience guilt, shame in disclosing about certain aspects of their lives or about their childhood or their parents/loved ones.

These could have relevance to the current issue that you are facing. Is there something that is making you feel hesitant to share important details with your therapist?

Therapy is a collaborative process, and without your cooperation and full involvement, the therapist cannot facilitate the change that you are looking for.

4. If you have a clinical condition, you could consider medication.

If you are depressed or anxious and once a week therapy is not showing progress, you perhaps may need a different form of therapy or a clinical intervention or see a medical practitioner.  Your therapist could possibly recommend you to see a qualified psychiatrist or provide a referral too.  If needed you can also request for / your therapist also could recommend a change in the frequency of your therapy sessions.

If you meet with a psychiatrist and are prescribed medications, it is your responsibility to stay on medication be in regular contact with your psychiatrist as advised. Medication in conjunction with therapy could help you progress forward.

5. You can also look for another therapist. 

If still things don’t work you can talk to your therapist and close the process and find yourself a new therapist. Sometimes there could be specific personality aspects between the client and therapist that may not allow for a good therapeutic alliance to develop. Your therapist may be able to provide you an appropriate referral suitable for you. Do not drop off from therapy abruptly without discussing about it with your therapist.  I contract with my clients to have a discussion with me if they choose to terminate therapy before the agreed upon goals are met or for any other reasons whatsoever.

Before arriving at that decision of looking for a new therapist, do reflect on how many therapists have you changed till now.  If the answer is many, then that is an important aspect to reflect and work through. Another therapist in a long list of therapists will not help unless this is addressed.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in.

The post 5 things to do if you think therapy is not working for you first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

If you think your child or adolescent is at risk of Suicide what can you do?  If your child talks about suicide and talks about not interested in living what can you do as parents?

In today’s world it is very often, that we see children, adolescents, early adults get stressed out by the challenges, failures, and other stress in life.  Depression and anxiety can result when the child is unable to deal with these challenges or cope with the stress that they experience and can also cause suicidal thoughts and behavior.

If your child or adolescent is depressed or anxious it is important that, as parents you get them the requisite help that they need at the earliest.

Above and beyond that, let’s talk about more urgent/serious situations that you are child might be in.  What do you do when your ward is showing suicidal symptoms, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts or behavior?

What are the warning signs that you need to watch out for. If your child or adolescent shows some or any of the following signs, it is an indicator that something is wrong and needs some kind of intervention.

• Showing disinterest in otherwise enjoyable activities, lowered standards of hygiene for a prolonged time period.
• Giving away things to others and closing any pending outstanding items.
• Talks about no point in living, its better that they weren’t alive.
• A sense of helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness.
• Increased or inordinate interest in death and dying.
• Researching on methods of committing suicide, collecting relevant instruments or implements.
• Social isolation, aggressive behavior, risky behavior, self harm.
• Declarations, final statements on social media. Etc.

Some of these can happen as an isolated event as part of the child’s growth and transition process. But when they tend to happen more, along with possible suicidal ideation or behavior, it is high time you intervened.

So as parents what can you do?

1. Stay Calm, don’t panic.

Don’t Panic and react badly. Don’t brush it off either. Stay calm, but it is time to take action.  Don’t blame oneself or your partner either.  Any other conflicts in your family needs to be kept aside till you tide over this.

2. Pay attention. 

Pay attention to what is happening in your child’s life.  Pay attention to what they tell you and what they don’t, to what your child’s regular habits are and whether they have changed drastically in a short period of time.

3. Talk and Listen to your child

Talk to your child. Listen to them.  Do not invalidate your child or adolescent’s pain or troubles.  Do not tell them that you have faced more difficulties in your life compared to your child.  Even when your child is not talking, listen to them.

4. Be aware and be friendly with your teen’s friends, teachers

Be aware of your children’s friends, and be friends with them if possible.  You cannot pick and choose their friends, but acknowledge that friends circle is very important to them. Children or adolescents may confide with their friends, and might have shared suicidal thoughts with their friends.

Touch base with their teachers as appropriate; to check if that has been any drastic change in behavior at school.

5. Be aware of their social media posts

Have the habit of checking your ward’s social media posts. Don’t have to comment or feel the need to engage in social media.  You are not there to snoop on them.  Let them know that you do look at their social media posts.  If you feel that it is important to discuss something, do it in person but in a kind and caring manner.

6. Take it seriously

As parents if you think your child life is at risk or your child has thought about harming themselves, take it very seriously.   If there is any family history of suicide or depression, this increases the risk levels.

7. Try to find out what is bothering them

Talk to your child about what is bothering them? It is OK to ask them if they have been thinking about or considering harming themselves in any manner.  Many a times children are just waiting for someone to ask them, in a loving and supportive manner.

8. Offer them your unconditional love and support.

Make it clear to your child in words and action that you are there for them, no matter what. And that whatever problems that they are facing you are there to support them. And that you will get through this together.  Even if the child is in trouble because of their own fault, it doesn’t mean that the child is bad, but that the behaviour is bad and needs to be corrected.

9. Get them help ASAP.  Watch over them till they get help.

If you think the risk is real, child safety is at risk, take them to a hospital where they can get the requisite support as well as the safety.  You can take the child to any hospital to the emergency room if needed. Child can be evaluated for depression or any other issues as required.  Watch over them closely, till you are able to get help.  Remove any dangerous items from their room or vicinity like sharp objects, ropes, bathroom cleaner, poisonous substances, medications etc.

Do not think of your social standing (and possible unwarranted stigma) but get help for your child immediately.

10. Address the underlying factors without further delay

Once the risk is managed and the child is stable, it is time to evaluate the factors that led to the situation, be it child’s pressures or family issues or other mental health conditions.  Don’t blame the child for any untoward events.  Help them to take responsibility.  This can be done with the help of a Professional and skilled Counsellor or a Psychotherapist or Psychologist.  Personal issues as well as family issues can be addressed with the involvement of the family.    Healthier ways of thinking, managing emotions, coping strategies and handling family issues can be inculcated in the family and the child or adolescent. 

Attempting suicide is no longer a crime in India with the health ministry notifying about the Mental Healthcare Act 2017 that decriminalizes it.   The person needs help, not punishment and shame.  Talking about it takes away the stigma surrounding it.

Here are some Suicide Prevention Helplines in India. 

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Is your child at risk of Suicide? What can parents do? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.