In today’s fast-changing relationship landscape, love alone no longer feels like enough. Across Indian cities, a quiet yet powerful shift is unfolding, more individuals and couples are seeking guidance from professionals, choosing premarital counselling before marital commitment, and as a deliberate step toward healthier, stronger relationships.  And the reasons are both cultural and psychological.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald on 21 January 2026.

https://www.deccanherald.com/lifestyle/spike-in-premarital-counselling-3869069

According to a recent Deccan Herald article, therapists in Bengaluru are witnessing a steady increase in demand for premarital counselling from couples, live-in partners, and individuals preparing for first or second marriages who are seeking relationship guidance, either before tying the knot or to resolve issues in their relationships.

Why Is Premarital Counselling Gaining Popularity?

More people are realising that marriage is not just a romantic decision, but a psychological, emotional and practical partnership.  But this involves other important conversations and agreements on different topics like money, boundaries, future plans, having children, family involvement, etc. Clients seek the support of the counsellor to facilitate these conversations.

Some key reasons behind this rise include:

• Growing awareness about mental health
• Reduced stigma around therapy
• Increased divorce rates prompting prevention over repair
• Diminishing support from family and friends
• Second marriages bring emotional, financial, and family complexities
• Couples wanting deeper compatibility before commitment

Premarital counselling is no longer seen just as a “problem-solving” tool, but also as a way to strengthen relationships and prepare for the relationship responsibilities.

Who can benefit from this process?

Most folks who seek premarital counselling are between 25 and 35 years, though a growing number of individuals in their 40s and beyond are also reaching out, especially those entering second marriages.

This includes:

• Couples who are in a relationship and considering a live-in or marriage
• Live-in partners who may or may not be planning for marriage
• Engaged couples in a love marriage or arranged marriage setting
• Individuals who are considering marriage but are feeling unsure or unclear about it
• Individuals and couples preparing to remarry  

For many, this is about not repeating old patterns and building something healthier this time around.

What Happens in Premarital Counselling?

It is important to get into a marital relationship with expectations that are reasonable and an understanding of what the marital relationship means to both partners.  Lack of knowledge about what marriage entails, the responsibilities that need to be managed, may result in disillusionment and failure of the marital relationship itself. Premarital counselling provides a safe space to explore:

• Communication styles and emotional needs
• Conflict patterns and repair strategies
• Financial beliefs and lifestyle expectations
• Family roles, day-to-day sharing of responsibilities
• Intimacy, trust, and long-term goals
• Conversations around difficult topics like money, boundaries, etc.

Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, couples learn how to have them safely before stress and misunderstandings take root.

How can it help Especially for Second Marriages

Second marriages often carry unspoken fears, past wounds, blended family concerns, and financial complexities. Especially when there are children, co-parenting, visitations involved, etc., there will be a need for continued contact with the ex-spouse/ex-partner, which can create insecurities in the new relationship. Premarital Counselling helps individuals heal unresolved emotional baggage, build trust at a realistic pace, clarify expectations and boundaries, and prevent repeating old relationship scripts.  Instead of “hoping this time will be different,” premarital counselling helps make it intentionally different.

Is Premarital Counselling Right for You?

Marriage is no longer just about tradition or timing. It is about emotional readiness, shared values, and conscious choice. Premarital counselling offers couples a way to step into commitment with clarity rather than confusion. The rise in premarital counselling is not a sign that relationships are weaker; it is proof that people are choosing to be wiser.

• You may benefit from pre-marital counselling if you
• Want deeper emotional understanding of yourself and your partner
• Struggle to communicate during conflict
• Feel unsure about long-term compatibility
• Are entering a second marriage
• Unsure of commitment/marriage/relationship expectations

Think of premarital counselling as a relationship fitness plan. If you are planning to marry, whether for the first or second time, consider premarital counselling as a meaningful first step.

Because love is the beginning. Understanding and growing together is what sustains it.

The post Premarital Counselling, need of the hour in India first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Panel Discussion on Pre-Marital Counselling and Family Well-Being. I had the privilege of being invited as a panellist by the Gender Studies Committee at the School of Law, CHRIST (Deemed to be University),  for a panel discussion on “Pre-Marital Counselling and Family Well-Being”. This was organized as part of the International Women’s Day celebrations,  EMPOW(H)ER on March 10th, 2025.

We explored the role of pre-marital counselling in building healthy relationships, strategies for preparing for marital harmony, ensuring both emotional and financial preparedness in relationships etc.

The panel included esteemed professionals and a moderator to facilitate the discussion.

• Ms. Neelam Kamall, a mental health counsellor and mediator at Looking Glass
• Ms. Latha Prasad, a senior lawyer and mediator at the Bangalore Mediation Centre
• Ms. Kala Balasubramanian a Psychologist and Psychotherapist – Founder of Inner Dawn Counselling.
• Ms Siri a Lawyer and POSH expert – Moderator.

Our discussion focused on the growing relevance of pre-marital counselling in today’s society. As social beings, humans are naturally wired to seek connection and relationships. Pre-marital counselling provides valuable support to individuals and couples (whether in cis-heterosexual or LGBTQI+ relationships) who are navigating their journey toward long-term commitment or marriage. It is particularly beneficial for:

• Couples considering marriage or a committed partnership.
• Those seeking to address relationship concerns before making a long-term commitment.
• Couples in a relationship who want to resolve any prevailing issues.
• Clients entering an arranged marriage who wish to look for compatibility and be prepared for potential challenges.
• Individual clients looking for clarity on their expectations, addressing their fears and doubts if any etc.

The Role and Benefits of Pre-Marital Counselling

Today the definitions of relationships and marriage have changed; gender roles are in the process of change. Monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, and other types of relationships have emerged. And as always, change also brings in a resistance to change as well. Given this changing landscape, pre-marital counselling helps individuals and couples develop a deeper understanding of self and each other by exploring key aspects of their relationship, including:

Assessing Compatibility – Exploring shared values, expectations, and emotional connection
Communication – Effective communication and emotional literacy skills
Conflict Resolution – Healthy ways to navigate disagreements and strengthen the relationship
Discuss Key Life Aspects – Discussion on finances, boundaries, future goals, physical intimacy, parenting expectations etc.

A skilled counsellor facilitates this process using open-ended questions, reflective exercises, and guided discussions to foster mutual understanding and empathy. Active listening, paraphrasing, and empathic responses help model effective communication and emotional connection.

The lawyers and mediators on the panel discussed about how the mediation process can help resolve conflicts and how pre-marital counselling can help in being prepared for marital life and avoiding a lot of pain and challenges upfront.

Key Insights from the Panel Discussion

The panel also explored the importance of:

• Neutrality in Counselling & Mediation – A counsellor or mediator must remain impartial to create a safe space for all clients
• Empathy and Active Listening – Patience and deep listening are essential in understanding clients’ perspectives
• Communication as a Life Skill – Effective communication and conflict resolution are crucial not only for couples but for all interpersonal relationships
• Pre-Marital Counselling for Diverse Relationships – Support is valuable for all individuals, couples, including LGBTQI+ couples and those planning for arranged marriages
• Proactive Relationship Building – Addressing potential challenges early can help strengthen relationships and foster long-term well-being

This discussion underscored the value of equipping individuals and couples with the tools to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

#PreMaritalCounselling #RelationshipWellbeing #EmotionalLiteracy #ConflictResolution #CommunicationSkills #WomensDay

The post Powerful impact of pre-marital counselling in these changing times first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Planning to get hitched?  Or in a committed relationship?  Here are 10 topics that you could have conversations about with your partner that can directly impact your relationship.  

Even if you are already married, or in a long-term relationship, it’s a good idea to have healthy conversations on these topics, if you haven’t done yet and be on the same page. There is no one right way of doing things in these areas. Both of you can find ways that work for the both of you.

As a relationship counsellor I usually facilitate discussions between the couple as part of pre-marital counselling / couple counselling on these topics that are important for a stable relationship as per their needs.

1. Talk finances:

How much do each of you earn? What if one partner not planning to earn? How would you spend on household expenses? What expenses are considered extravagant and what are considered necessary? Do either of you have any debt? What are your average monthly expenses till now? What is your attitude towards spending and saving? How will investments etc be done?  

2. Share and discuss your core values:

What do you consider as your core values? Which one of those are non-negotiable for you? This could be about honesty, transparency, respect, trust, equality, sex, family interactions/ responsibilities, parenting, ethics etc.  This could also be about religion, religious practices and other key beliefs regarding political views, race, discrimination etc that you hold.

3. About plans to live – Where and with whom?

It is important for both of you to be on the same page with respect to which place you intend to live going forward and whom you might be living with?  And if you intend to live on your own (just the two of you) then how frequently would you be visiting each other’s parents/vice versa and how much do you expect to be interacting with them?

4. Mental/physical health issues for yourself or in your close family.

Hiding any mental health issues or physical health issues would create problems in your marriage early if it is found at a later date.  It is better to discuss your history of physical or mental health issues upfront with your partner.

5. Plans for children:

Talk about your plans regarding children. If you plan to have, then talk about when, how many and if not, the reasons why. What kind of parenting approach have you experienced in your childhood and what kind of parents would you like to your child to have? What could be the level of influence/support of extended family on child rearing? What level of involvement would you want to have in parenting?

6. Career plans and any relocation plans if any:

It is important to talk about plans for your career as well as any short term / long term plans for relocation. Each one of you would have built a whole bunch of social connections, friends, family etc around you and relocation plans could disrupt them.

7. House hold responsibilities:

How would you share the house hold responsibilities and chores?  Are you both looking for an equitable distribution or not?  How were things done in your own family of origin in your childhood? Would sharing of house hold responsibilities change or vary based on changes in employment?

8. Dreams and aspirations about the future:

What do you foresee as a future for yourself and for the both of you as a family? What are your ideas about settling down, having a home, having a family etc.,? What activities do you enjoy, which you are looking forward to doing with each other? Do you enjoy travelling what kind of places do you like to visit? Any aspirations that you would like to share with each other?

9. Boundaries, space and what is not acceptable:

It is important to have boundaries for your relationship and to be on the same page regarding what can be shared with others and what can’t be. What do you see as private and what is not? When and where do you need space for yourself too? What do you see as fidelity, what is considered ok or not ok for the both of you as a couple?

10. Decision making process:

How will significant decisions be made between the two of you and what kind of an agreement is necessary for these decisions?  Who else would be involved in these decisions? What happens if either of you disagrees?

Of course, none of these are written in stone and could change over a period of time as you both grow as individuals and as a couple.  Then they would need to be talked about and renegotiated to arrive at a revised understanding and agreement.

If your conversations are not giving you clarity, you can seek professional support and seek pre-marital counselling / couple counselling, a safe space to express yourself and to understand your partner.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in.

The post 10 key conversations to have with your significant other first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Marriage could be the beginning of a new beautiful chapter in life where one can find happiness, fulfillment and security. But it can flourish if both partners are willing to put in the effort to nurture and nourish each other. Cater to each others needs at the same time ensure that their own needs are met. If the couple go into it thinking that it will be a bed of roses and they’ll live happily ever after – without consistent effort from both sides, it is not a good place that they are headed to. Today Premarital counselling services are easily accessible to address such aspects upfront.

Pre-marital counselling could facilitate this process, addressing any misconceptions, misunderstandings, to understand each other better, to understand ones own readiness and motivations to get married. It also helps both partners to openly discuss and address difficult topics like career, finances, boundaries, friends, intimacy etc.

Premarital counselling could help address any past baggage or trauma from previous relationships. This would help the person not carry their past issues in to the new relationship and retain the learning from the past.

Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 10-Oct-19.

https://www.deccanherald.com/metrolife/metrolife-cityscape/pre-marital-counselling-not-so-rare-any-more-767259.html

The post Premarital counselling-Deccan herald-Kala’s views featured first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

How to choose your partner – be it a marriage or a committed relationship? What factors do you want to consider when you get into a serious committed relationship like a marriage?

Many of my clients, who are considering getting into a committed relationship/marriage, ask me this question.  How will I know who is the right partner for me?  How will I know that we will get along in future, even if we get along now? What if it doesn’t work?  And what if someone better comes along? What if we get bored of each other?  Am I settling by making a choice right now?

If you want to be in a serious committed relationship with someone, be sure that you really like them, and that you do want to be in a relationship with them – not because it is convenient, not because it is getting late, not because everybody else have, not because of parental pressure, not because sex is great.

You get into a relationship if you both really like each other, if you like spending time with the person, enjoy their company, want to be with them, want to make them happy, make yourself happy with them, want to take care of them, want to be taken care by them, want to know their thoughts, opinions, interests, fears, dreams, feelings and emotions. Be comfortable that the major values and outlook on life and future plans are more or less aligned that both of you have some common interests etc.

You get married or get into a more committed relationship if you really want to spend your life with them.  Marriage is not just a ceremony or just a legal tie.  It is an interest; it’s an investment in another person – an investment of time, effort, energy, emotions, and joint decisions.  It is a companionship that you both enjoy, someone you love even with their shortcomings, flaws and annoying habits. Someone that you are willing to accept.  Someone with whom you fight but kiss and makeup.  Someone that you miss when they are not around.  It is the commitment to take care of someone, to nurture, to take part in the other person success as well as failure, happiness and troubled times.

All these things may not come by default to the both of you, and you may have to put effort to build this strong bond between the two of you.  It is also important that effort comes from both of you for the relationship. 

In arranged marriages couples might find all this excitement and challenges after marriage too.  No matter whether it is Love / Arranged marriage – it is better that the marriage is by your choice/decision and that you both own the marriage and both commit to make it happen.

It is not practically possible that the initial excitement, rush and heady feelings will last forever. Sometimes boredom will creep in.  It is for the couple to keep the spark alive and put in effort to keep it interesting and exciting.

It is possible that someone better – better looks/far more qualified/better personality/ better finances etc might come along.  And in some circumstances they might even show interest in you. Let us be clear – there is no one perfect partner, and there will always be someone better.  Love is a choice; it is a choice to fall in love with the same person again and again.  Be prepared to make this choice with your partner when you decide to get married.

In today’s fast paced world, where everything is available at fingertips, where all your needs are instantly gratified, relationships/marriage is one area where both of you need to put in effort to make it a fulfilling relationship. Being prepared and ready for that, in the long haul is one of the key criteria to keep in mind.

We work with young individuals and couples who plan to get married on these areas of focus.  Pre-marital counselling helps the person / couple to get clarity about the reasons why they are getting married and make a choice of their partner and be prepared for the rigors of a relationship like a marriage.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Getting married! What if it doesn’t work? What if someone better comes along? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

You must be thinking – what is it about? In India the law says that, when it comes to age, the woman has to be 18+ and a man has to be 21+ to get married. So what is the big deal- right?

No I am not talking about the wedding seasons here and not about the legal age either.

The big question is the word “right” in that sentence. What determines the right time, right age, right preparation? What determines whether you are ready for a commitment like marriage? The way I use the term marriage here, this could be applicable to any kind of a long term relationship commitment.

You need to be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially prepared and ready to enter into a committed relationship like a marriage. Lets us talk about some key factors to consider before you take this significant decision in your life.

But before that, if you are decided to get married for the following reasons, it’s time to take a reality check.

• You think you should be getting married because all your friends are married:

So all of your friends are married and are now couples.  So when you hangout with them it becomes awkward for you to be one of the few singles out there.  Your friends constantly rag you about getting married.

RC: Your friends might have been prepared and ready for a marital commitment. It is no benchmark for your readiness.

• Your parents and your relatives are putting pressure on you:

It has become a nuisance now to attend any family functions and other weddings in the family because the constant topic of conversation is about when you are going to get married. Your parents keep hinting at you, your relatives keep bringing up new possible alliances for you and you are feeling the pressure. And you think by getting married you will keep your parents and relatives happy and off your back.

RC: Your parents might feel it is their responsibility to get you married.  But it is your responsibility to be fully ready for the same. End of day you will be dealing with the good and the bad, the challenges that will eventually emerge and you need to be prepared for the same.

• You are thinking of your age and your biological clock:

Both men and women think of their age/biological clock and how that is ticking – to be attractive enough to find a partner, to have children and at what age and how many years they have to bring the children up, to the stage where the children are independent and so on.  You don’t think you have found the right person for you but the ticking clock puts pressure on you.

RC: If you are not yet prepared for the effort and commitment for marital relationship, then you are definitely not ready and prepared for parenting responsibilities, no matter what your biological clock says.

• You are bored and you are lonely:

You are bored and you are lonely and the prospect of having a new company excites you. The prospect of getting all dressed up and being the center of attraction for a few days for all your friends and family interests you.

RC: The wedding event might be fun and exciting. But that is just a few days affair.  Marriage is an event that happens every day of two people coming together, living together, understanding and supporting each other, sharing responsibilities, loving and caring for each other, being there for each other,  having fun and also having fights, getting to know each other and making relevant adjustments as maybe needed.

So now to talk about some of the real factors that you need to consider before you decide to get married

• Mental readiness to get into a marriage:

You need to be mentally ready to share your life, space, time, goals, finances, responsibilities with your partner.  On areas where you disagree, you need to be willing and ready to negotiate to arrive at an approach that works for the both of you. Both of you will be pursuing your own life goals, but together, providing support for each other in the process.

• Let’s talk about emotional readiness:

Emotionally you need to be available for your partner and also be willing to be emotionally open and appropriately vulnerable to your partner if you want a strong bond and lasting relationship.  Emotional baggage from past trauma or difficult experiences need to be reasonably dealt with and not just buried under the carpet.

• Are you financially ready?

If you are still dependent on your parents to meet your current expenses or don’t have any back up or surplus from your income, managing your post marriage expenses will be a nightmare.  Consider, plan, save and make an emergency fund. Plan to discuss with your potential partner, financial responsibilities and their contribution.

• Do you have the time and energy?

Today we do have very fast paced life and careers. With that in the background, you need to be ready and prepared to invest time, effort, energy and interest in the relationship to build a strong foundation and a strong bonding with each other. Failing to do so, is a precursor for major hard ships ahead in your relationship.

• Do you have clarity in terms of the kind of partner that you want?

First of all, you need to have a clear understanding of your own self, your beliefs, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, your interests, your priorities in life etc.   With this understanding, it is possible for you to check with your potential partner for a fair match, rather than complete disparity.

• What is your level of willingness and attitude towards adjustment?

No matter how so ideal a partner might seem, there will always be disagreements, arguments, conflicts in a relationship like marriage.  Set expectations with yourself that some things, some behaviors are going to need change and will not be exactly the way they are currently.  Being rigid and stubborn can be significant roadblocks to a new relationship.  And this is applicable even if you both have known each other for quite a long time and have been in a relationship before marriage.

• You need to fulfill your partner’s reasonable needs. Are you willing to give adequate importance and attention to your partners needs?

Your own level of preparedness and readiness reduces the risk from your side and increases the chances of a good fulfilling relationship.  Assessing the readiness of your partner also would give a good indicator of the same. Apart from readiness, and being prepared, open communication, respectful disagreements and setting right reasonable expectations are the way to go, when you follow through with your decision to get married.

And the right time is the time when you are reasonably well prepared and ready.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post When is the right time to get married?  How will you know? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Many a times couples do not understand the difference between a marriage and a wedding.

Marriage happens between two people – coming together and committing to love and live together for a long period of time.  A wedding is a celebration of the event of the marriage – and the participants could be the families, friends, relatives etc.

The wedding is a 1/2/3/10 day event.  Marriage is a lifelong event and happens till the couple are together, every day of the couple’s life.

This understanding is very essential for the couple to be able to own the marriage.  Both the partners in the marital relationship need to own the marriage for a fulfilling harmonious relationship.

Marriage is a loving, caring, nurturing, responsible relationship with a partner / spouse. Yes for a marital relationship to work, ownership of the marriage by the couple is absolutely essential.

In the Indian arranged marriage, many a times (not all) the girl or the boy gets pressurized to say “yes” to the alliance, for varied reasons like- increasing age, financial reasons, sibling’s marriage, relative’s pressures, family prestige, parents finding out about a love affair, many alliances didn’t work out and this one did, etc (the list is by no means exhaustive).

When there is no ownership, the couple may blame their parents when things don’t work out or when their expectations are not met by each other. But it is important to remember that, it is the couple who would primarily suffer and the blaming doesn’t help.

This could be a problem in love marriages as well, though the couple may not be able to blame the parents.

To own the marriage means

1. Taking responsibility for the decision of the marriage – yes even if your bride or groom was chosen by your parents. It is you who signs the marriage document or it is you who is the primary participant in the marriage along with your partner

2. Understanding the responsibilities that you are undertaking, when you enter into a marriage

3. Understanding the expectations that you have from the marriage and your spouse and keeping them at reasonable levels

4. Whatever problems arise between the two of you, though your families may provide support or help, it is the two of you who would need to resolve the issues.

5. Any event in the marriage – good/bad,  it is the couple who get impacted primarily

When ownership of the marriage is lacking, any issues or conflicts that come up in the marriage (which will), the couple find it very difficult to face the problems and deal with them as a couple effectively.

In Pre-marital counselling, this key component of ownership of the marriage is emphasized.  Couples who are planning to get married (love / arranged), as well as married couples can benefit from this understanding.

To know more, or to fix an appointment, call us at +919632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

We provide counselling services at different locations in Bangalore – Jayanagar, Koramangala, Marathahalli, Mahadevpura.

The post Ownership of the Marriage first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.