The recent double murders in Bangalore of the CEO and MD of an IT company has shaken up the startup landscape and I see conversations about this happening in many of the entrepreneurial groups that I am part of. Given this context, sometimes I do really wonder where are we going as a society.  What really makes us human? Where is our humanity?

I was asked by the Journalist from Deccan Herald about the “Mental Stability” of the people who allegedly committed this crime, based on their social media presence.

Mental instability or disorder is something to be formally diagnosed by a competent professional and not up for speculation. And that does not take away the import of the crime that was committed and the loss there in.

Social media, now-a-days is used by many for shock value and cringe. But it is also true that shock and cringe has an audience. People do consume this and when there is a demand for it, more such content shows up. Having said that, there is a difference between content with shock value and IRL criminal conduct.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured in Deccan Herald Today 14-Jul-23.

https://www.deccanherald.com/metrolife/metrolife-your-bond-with-bengaluru/bengaluru-rappers-weigh-in-on-joker-felix-case-1236810.html

What really makes us human?

In the 21^st century that we are in, on one side we are making tremendous advancements in artificial intelligence, space exploration, communication tech, genetics, healthcare etc, and on the other side we are also capable of and engage in cruelty, destruction, violence and war.

Webster dictionary defines humanity as compassionate, sympathetic, or generous behaviour or disposition – the quality or state of being humane.

To be human is not just walking upright, having significant intelligence, language, self-awareness etc. What is to be a human without humanity?

Humanity is respecting self and the other, understanding other’s pain and feeling compassion. To stand against the tendency to hurt the other. To be able to empathise and act from the space of solicitude. To stand up and act when a violation happens.  

What happened to our sense of humanity?

When I see news reports of mass shootings or chilling murders due to competition or rejection or heartbreak, or random acts of violence, I do question myself where is the compassion, where is our humanity? Yes there are perpetrators, and victims. But the rest of us have we all become bystanders shirking off our responsibility?

I recently read about this crime in France, where a husband allegedly drugged his wife repeatedly at night and over a span of 10 years invited more than 80 men to rape her when she was unconscious. It is not just the husband whose act was horrifying, but also about the men who came of their own will and chose to engage in this terrible crime. Many of these are educated men, who are well established and from different walks of life. What happened to their sense of humanity?

Are we de-sensitised to violence or pain of the other?

We as a society, are we becoming de-sensitised to violence or pain of the other? When discrimination and oppression happens in overt and covert ways in terms or race, caste, ethnicity, gender, religion, etc., is it just news material for the sensational content or does it evoke our emotions and humanity? Have we numbed our emotions? A day later, does it become yesterday’s news to be forgotten?

Today even young children, have unbridled access to technology, internet and information. Mobiles and tech devices have practically become their e-pacifiers. Children get age-inappropriate access to sexual / violent content and try to experiment on others who are vulnerable. We need to teach them not just good touch and bad touch, but also consent.

Violent video games, where shooting or killing or blood spurting everywhere is a common pass time for not just kids but for adolescents and adults too. Does this contribute to our de-sensitization to loss of human life or to another’s pain?

On the other hand every day there are reports of children being abused, sexual assaults being reported at all socio, cultural and economic segments of the society. 

Where do we learn compassion, empathy and consideration?

Where do we learn compassion, kindness and emotional awareness? How do we learn to empathize with each other? Do we learn it on our own or should it be taught in school? Do we learn it at home in our family? Who is responsible to build a society where compassion, empathy and understanding forms a part of the  basic fabric of our society?

What is our personal responsibility?

How do we build a cohesive society rather than highlighting every possible difference? How do we take personal responsibility for our contribution through action or inaction or silence on this regard?

Yes the Government will enact laws and there are laws already. And the laws need to be enforced and there is a process to ensure that happens.  Having said, what are our personal responsibilities? Unless we challenge our own thinking and responses, apathy will grow unabated.

I know, there are a lot of questions here.  But it is time for us to seek answers to these questions.  What can we do, what can each one of us do in our own social structures, starting from our own beliefs, attitudes and our own families.

If these questions stir us up, that we give up the numbing and feel our emotions, encourage us think from different perspectives, look for out of the box solutions, and move us to do something / anything that is in our purview, I think that will be a good start.

About the Author

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, Transactional Analysis etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling

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