Urban traffic isn’t just a daily grind. For many Bengaluru commuters, it’s a pressure cooker where tempers flare, and frustrations spill over into dangerous on-road confrontations. According to a recent Deccan Herald report, law enforcement in the city is now aggressively targeting repeat road rage offenders in an effort to make streets safer for everyone.

Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 19-Dec-25

The Road Rage Reality in Bengaluru

Bengaluru’s fast-paced lifestyle and busy roads make it fertile ground for commuter stress. But when frustration turns into aggressive driving, i.e., honking, tailgating, verbal threats or even physical altercations, it’s no longer just stress; it’s a public safety issue.

Police authorities have acknowledged a rising trend of repeat offenders who exhibit dangerous road behaviour and have pledged to intervene more robustly to prevent escalation.

Road rage is a lived reality for millions of city drivers, passengers, delivery workers and pedestrians. The consequences can be increased risk of traffic accidents, stress and anxiety for regular commuters, escalation into violent confrontations, damage to property and public infrastructure etc.

By cracking down on repeat offenders, Bengaluru officials are signalling that irresponsible driving behaviour will not be tolerated, and that roads are shared spaces requiring mutual respect.

What the Police Action Entails

The crackdown includes several key components designed to curb repeat offences and change driving culture over the long term:

• Identification of repeat offenders: Traffic cops are monitoring and logging drivers involved in multiple road-rage incidents.
• Stricter enforcement: Repeat offenders face heavier fines, penalties and possible legal action.
• Public awareness campaigns: Police are educating motorists on safe driving etiquette, and the legal repercussions of aggressive behaviour on the road.

The objective shouldn’t be just punishment. It needs to be deterrence and behaviour change, ensuring that public roads are safe for families, commuters, two-wheelers and pedestrians alike.

Are laws and enforcement enough to make safer roads?

As a Psychologist, I believe that many times, the emotions that are piled up in different situations can get violently expressed on the road as rage.

For example, if you are frustrated at work with a co-worker or angry with a family member at home, and you are not able to express it appropriately to them, or repeated instances of frustration get piled up within, then it can get displaced onto the road at other commuters.

It is important to understand the emotional triggers that lead to aggression. Understanding our own emotions, finding ways to regulate them allows us to respond appropriately to not just our own emotions but also to others empathically.

I believe that legislation alone is inadequate. Enforcement needs to be consistent. Having said that, we need to learn and teach Emotional Literacy/Emotional Regulation/Appropriate Expression/Empathy at school and at home.

When these elements work together, the outcome can be a culture shift in driving norms, not just a temporary crackdown.

The post Road Rage: Actions by Bengaluru Police, What more is needed. first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Last week I was having a conversation with this friend of mine and somehow the it did not go well. Something unpleasant was said and I felt cornered. Instead of addressing the issue, I felt emotions like intense fear, shame and couldn’t say anything at that time and I withdrew from the conversation.

Do you think fear was the appropriate emotion in that circumstance? Do you think that anger would have been more appropriate? Would that have allowed me to take an affirmative action to address the issue at hand? Do you think I was able to manage and regulate my emotions appropriately? And if I had would the conversation have turned out differently?

Yes I couldn’t regulate my emotions at that moment.

Our emotions are important and they are key to our survival. They help us to take appropriate actions. Having said that, when we experience one emotion in place of another appropriate emotion, or when we experience an emotion where the intensity is disproportionate to the situation at hand then it means it is not helping us.

At the same time feeling intense emotions and hiding or supressing them is also not helpful. It is like a pressure cooker with no safety valve.  You see this in the level of stress that people experience today, number stress related ailments that are prevalent.

So in this video I talk about emotions. And how they are important for us. Why managing them is crucial for us?  Shall we?

Well we all have been children at some point in time. And we learned to manage our emotions based upon our own childhood experiences.

What did we observe as a child in terms of how our parents or other care givers behaved? Or what kind of parenting did we experience? And what was the overall emotional climate that existed in our family. What emotions were allowed what were not allowed what was expressed very intensely etc.

We may also be holding on too many misconceptions about emotions. It is very common for people to believe that feeling emotions or expressing emotions is undesirable as it seen as a weakness.

Our emotions act as a significant sign post for us to take appropriate actions to deal with challenges, overcome barriers, take care of our own self and others, to build relationships etc.

As I spoke about my example before, if an emotion is not relevant to the situation or the emotional intensity is not commensurate with the situation, then it can keep us stuck or hurt us or the people around us.

This is where we need to learn to understand our emotions, access appropriate emotions, to regulate our emotions to bring it to a appropriate level then to be able to act upon it effectively.

Does it mean that you will not have any problems in life or that you won’t get affected by the problems?  Lets us look at that.

You can Look at progress or growth in three different dimensions

For example of if you have the tendency to lose your temper with your colleague or your partner. And when you learn to regulate your emotions better you will see changes in

1. Frequency – How frequently do you get impacted by this particular issue at hand. Earlier if you used to get angry say 10 times in a given time period, now has it reduced to 8 times of 7 times.

2. Intensity – You may see a reduction in the intensity of the emotions that you are experiencing. Say in a Scale of 0-100 if you were getting angry at 80/90 the intensity might come down to 70 or 60 or so.

3. Recovery – or how long it takes for you to bounce back. Earlier if you needed about 4 hours to recover from anger now you may be able to bounce back in lesser time.

When we are able to accept and embrace our emotions, we are able to access appropriate emotions rather than pushing them away or covering it up with another.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, Transactional Analysis etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling and therapy services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

The post Importance of emotions and regulation first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

Many a times you might experience difficult emotions like sadness, anger, hurt, jealousy, insecurity, rejection etc.  And you may feel helpless that your emotions are controlling you.

When you deny your emotions in our attempt to either not feel them or to hide them from others and from yourself, they just get buried deep inside, don’t really get addressed and don’t go away either.  They might start piling up inside and one day you may end up bursting out in a way that is inappropriate and disproportionate to the corresponding situation damaging both you and your relationships perhaps.  

On the other hand when you end up being overwhelmed by your emotion then it doesn’t allow you to take appropriate action to address a situation either.

Distracting yourself from the painful emotion also doesn’t help in the long run, though it might give you temporary relief.

Unresolved painful emotions can also show up as psychosomatic problems and pains in your body. 

So why do you have to own your emotions?  Because when you own it, you get to take responsibility for it.  You are not helpless any more, you have a choice.

Be aware of your emotions and experience your emotions fully without having to run away from it. Stay with your emotion even if it is difficult to stay with it.  Remember – painful though it is, it is only an emotion and is only a part of you.  It belongs to you but you are not your emotions.  

Once you have really experienced your emotion you will be able to work through it and you’ll see that the intensity of the emotion reduces.  You will be able to ask yourself this question, whether this emotion belongs to the present or whether it comes from your past.  

For example, it is possible that the other person did something that made you feel hurt / angry / jealous / rejected etc. But in the process what you are doing is blaming the other person to have caused or triggered such emotions within you making you feel helpless about it. Truth is you cannot change the other person’s behaviour.  You might believe that only if the other person is willing to take responsibility, for their actions and apologize, only then your emotions will get assuaged. 

Of course if the other person had done something directly to hurt you or harm you, it is fair that you talk to that person and make them understand how you are feeling and perhaps get an apology.  But here you are giving too much of power to the other person and in the process making yourself feel helpless and as a victim. 

You will be able to talk to them in a calm frame of mind only when you have regulated your own emotions.  You will know if this emotion belongs to the present or whether it comes from your past.  

Having this clarity would help you take the appropriate action that you need to do to both assuage your own emotions as well as deal with the situation in the appropriate manner.  

If you realize that this is coming from the past and not really from the present circumstances, then you need to work through the emotion and the memories of the past event.   This may give you an understanding of how your past experiences are affecting your present and still have a hold on your life.

Being aware of your emotions, owning your emotions, allowing yourself to experience it fully, enable you to regulate your emotions and utilize them effectively and appropriately.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post How does owning our difficult emotions help us? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

As a counsellor and a therapist I usually tell my clients that there are no good or bad emotions. All emotions have survival value to us. Every emotion has a meaning, purpose, value and has a significant influence on us as well as our surroundings.  Yes, some emotions make us feel good and some might be painful and uncomfortable for sure.  This applies to any kind of emotion including happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, shame, jealousy and so on.

Talking about anger specifically, it definitely has significant survival value. Anger could be your primary emotion and it can also be an emotion triggered by other underlying emotions which could be sadness, shame, helplessness and so on depending on the situation.

Typically in any significant conflict/argument with your partner, anger would be a significant component there. When there is excessive anger, and you are in agitated state, it becomes practically not possible to express yourself in effective manner, at the same time you are also unable to listen to what are the person has to say in effective manner. Which means the conflict doesn’t get resolved and can possibly escalate.

Just the way fire in low manageable quantity keeps you warm and cooks your food, and fire when it becomes unmanageable, uncontrollable, could destroy life, and property.   And if there is no fire at all, then you are going to feel very cold and have raw food. (in a traditional sense)

How anger gets expressed is also very important from a relationship as well as communication point of view.  If anger is used as a mechanism of intimidation, power and control then definitely this is abuse.

Anger when expressed in aggressive way could border on abuse.  You might use hurtful and harsh words, make you yell and scream at the other, say nasty things which you might not truly mean. But even if you don’t mean it in a real sense, once expressed, the damage is already done.

Anger can also be expressed in a very passive aggressive manner.  You might withdraw and give them a silent treatment, sarcasm, insults, ignoring the problem, denying the problem, withholding of love and affection, becoming indifferent etc.  This also can be damaging to your relationship.

How to deal with anger in times of conflicts and difficult conversations?  How do we express it in a healthy manner without suppressing it? How to do this, in a way that will add to the relationship rather than take away from it?

1. Be aware of your anger

Awareness is the first step of any significant change or shift or transformation that you seek in yourself. Be aware that you are angry about something and be aware of the intensity of the same. Be aware of the underlying emotion which is causing this anger if any.  Label the emotion.  Just the act of being aware of the emotion, being able to observe yourself experiencing these emotions and labeling the emotions itself can bring down the intensity of the emotions that you are experiencing.

2. Take time out to calm yourself down

When you are in this agitated state of mind neither your communication nor your listening is going to be effective. Which means a conflict is not going to be resolved in a healthy manner.  So take some time out for yourself and engage in any activity that would enable you to calm yourself down.  This could be taking a short walk, having a glass of water, some deep breathing, yoga, meditation, write a journal, talk to someone (a safe, trustworthy, non judging person) whatever works for you.

3. Come back to the conversation and continue in a respectful manner

Anger shows up in not just your words, but also your voice, your tone and your body language. Ensure that you are in a state of mind, where even if there is anger, it is at a manageable level where you can continue the conversation in a respectful manner.

4. Express your anger in a healthy manner

Yes you are angry about something that happened or something that was said or done or not done and that and needs to be expressed in the adaptive or healthy manner to the other person.  You can say that “I am really angry about” – something that you did or didn’t do etc.  Try to express the underlying emotion that had brought up this anger to the fore, for eg – “I felt very disappointed, that despite me telling you this multiple times you continue to do the same thing” or “I felt left out and neglected in the party when you didn’t pay attention to me for a significant part of the evening”

5. Express yourself without a blaming stance, with care and empathy

You need to learn to ask for what you want, what you need from your partner, assertively without taking a blaming stance.  Even when you have been hurt and angry, and your expressing it, it’s important to do that with care and empathy for your partner.  Inquire about what was happening to them and why they behaved that way with you.  Ensure that, that doesn’t become a justification for the behavior, but that you also get the empathy that you deserve and need to receive from your partner. Remember, you are expressing your feelings and what really caused these feelings in the first place so that you can make your relationship better and not worse by blaming each other.

6. Holding on to the residual anger

Even when the issue is reasonably resolved, holding on to the residual anger damages you and your relationship.  Despite agreeing to a solution, if you hold on to the resentment and anger – that can be used against your partner in a future conflict, then you are walking down a slippery slope.  Talk it out, sort it out, apologize for any hurt caused.  Learn from it, let it go.

Emotions are significant indicators as to what is important and what is not so important to us.  Emotions have immense value, especially in relationships, in today’s context.  It is up to us to learn to regulate and manage our emotions, about expressing ourselves in a healthy and adaptive manner, that it enriches our relationships.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling.  She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Is Anger damaging your relationship? first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.