Ok let’s say you have decided to meet with a therapist and now you are in the process of finding a therapist who is the right fit for you. Many times, you may look for someone in your locality or someone whose fees fits around your budget. But these may not be the best possible criteria to make a decision. Choosing the right therapist, who is a good fit for you is crucial to make the kind of progress you want in therapy.

For eg, since last two years many therapists have shifted their practice online and that gives you a greater opportunity to find the right therapist who fits you and your needs.

Let us first understand Why the Right Fit important?

You would want to be comfortable enough with this person to be able to open up with them. You need to feel safe with this person to be honest with them. Based on your goals and what you want to work on, you need to be able to share your deep fears or insecurities or concerns or dreams, desires and be vulnerable. You need to have a good level of connect and comfort with your therapist.

Though your therapist will work with you to build this genuine warm and empathic relationship with you, it is important for you to feel some of that connection when make a decision.

In this video I talk about three steps that you can take to choose the therapist who is the right fit for you.

1. Ask for introductory meeting to have your questions answered and clarified.

Most of the therapists offer brief 20 to 30 minutes discussion over a call to provide you the basic details about the process as well as to answer your questions and offer clarifications. For example, I do not charge for this. You can ask about how the therapy process works, how will the interaction be, what approach to take to address your challenge, confidentiality, fee structure, duration of therapy, cancellations, ending therapy etc. You can ask for their professional qualifications, experience in this field, experience in working with the specific challenge that you are facing etc. Most therapists would prefer not to answer any personal questions regarding their private life, because this could impact the therapeutic process itself, adversely. Your therapist would answer your questions openly and earnestly.

2. Look for listening understanding and warmth

Though you may ask about professional qualifications etc, that is just one of the criteria for a therapist. You need to feel that you are being given full attention, being listened to and that your therapist is able to understand what you are saying. Typically, a good therapist would paraphrase to check whether they have understood you right.  And ask you to correct them or address gaps if any.

They would not pronounce any judgement or impose any of their values on you.  See if you are getting their 100% attention and genuine concern.

3. Listen to your Gut feeling

It is important that you feel comfortable with the therapist. The way they talk to you, their demeanour, confidence and overall, your feeling about the person needs to be positive and give you hope.  The Counsellor will not offer you solutions to your problems but they will be facilitating your progress.  So, it is important for you to feel after instinctual level that this is the person that you want to work with.

Of course, after a few sessions also if you feel uncomfortable you can bring it up and then talk about it to your therapist as well.  And your therapist needs to be open to feedback and understand your needs and alter their approach to suit you. It is important for you feel that sense of safety and comfort and connection with your therapist.

Having said that, if the situation is that you have met with so many therapists but you have not been able to be comfortable with any of them then perhaps you may want to look inwards to see what is causing this repeated discomfort for you with many therapists.

Currently with the COVID-19 situation, all counselling and therapy services are offered online over video calls. Reach us at +91 9632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She is trained in different modalities like CBT, Gestalt, NLP, Family Systems Therapy, TA etc. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential counselling services including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling

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