In part 1 of this series I talked about learning to identify and label the emotions that we experience in different circumstances.

In Part 2 of this series I would talk about how we can understand our emotional process better so that we get a better hang of managing and regulating our emotions.

There are four distinct components to any experience that we have. Any event or incident or memory that we experience creates a series of processes in us which we can learn to be aware and identify.  The event/experience is interpreted based upon our own set of past experiences and learning which give rise to a set of thought processes/interpretations regarding the event or experience or memory.  This also gives rise to a set of emotions, and also a set of bodily or physical reactions that can arise. Based upon our thoughts, emotions and physical reactions we might engage in a set of behaviors as well. The current emotional state can also influence how the interpretation of the event is done and influence the bodily reactions as well.  

The diagram above showcases the different components of any experience and also the relationship between all of them. You will notice that that each one of these component can affect and influence each other. 

So if you want to understand the emotional process better with the intent to regulate the same, then the following steps can be followed.  As I mentioned in part 1 it is a good practice to maintain a small notebook or a journal in which you can write down a descriptive of your experience with respect to these components.

1. The Event

Write down the event that is happening or happened or the memory of the event from the past, or a current incident that triggers these memories.  Describe the events in as much detail as possible, without judging the same.

2. The immediate thoughts and the meaning assigned

Write down the thought process or the images in your mind that occurs to you when the event happened when you experienced it or post the event. Also write down your interpretation of the event, in other words the meaning that you assigned to the event.

3. Label the emotions that arise

Based upon the interpretation or meaning that you assigned to the event or incident, one or more emotions might arise.  Identify the emotions and label them accordingly.

4. Physical Reactions

Scan your body for any physical reaction in any part of your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.  These physical reactions could be, any tingling in a particular body part, tightness, warmth, chill, breathing patterns, heart rate, sweating, choking, etc or any other physical feeling that is different from normal.

5. Behavioral response / Action

What did you do about it? How did you express your thoughts and how did you express your emotions ? What behavior did this result in? What action did you take about it? How did you feel after this expression or behavior? Was the outcome helpful to you or unhelpful to you?  You might have raised your voice, gone silent, cried, walked away, talked about it in a calm way and so on.  Describe your behavior/behaviors.

Writing down these would give you a good insight about your own internal processes with respect to how you make sense of an event or memory and how that results in set of feelings or emotions and how that influences your actions or behavior subsequently. IT might surprise you that you may have never given so much attention to the process that happens internally, and this insight can help you manage your emotions and behavior better.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples, help explore their emotions, facilitate them to understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Emotion Regulation Part 2: Understanding the emotional process first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.

We, human beings are essentially emotional creatures. Despite this fact, socially, it is usually considered as a weakness to show and express emotions.  Emotions do not just have a significant impact on your behaviour but also add significant value to your life. As a matter of fact emotions have survival value.  For example, when you are in a dangerous situation, you might experience fear and your fear would guide you to take critical actions to protect yourself or to move away towards safety.  Here, experiencing emotions is an important factor that pushes you to take appropriate decisions and act accordingly.

Inherently there are no good or bad emotions. Some of the emotions could be pleasant and some of the emotions could be unpleasant. But all emotions have specific purpose and reasons, though they may not be so obvious.

The problems that you might face with respect to your unbridled emotions would come from the intensity of the emotions that you experience and this could push you towards specific behavior and actions which might prove to be unhelpful to self and others in the environment. When the level of emotions that are experienced pertaining to a particular event, situation, recollection etc is overwhelming and excessive then it becomes difficult to control the emotion and the behavior that results from it.

Strong emotions can be experienced with respect to –

• An event or situation that is happening currently – you had a tough appraisal discussion with your boss and  you feel sad; You are angry that your friend cancelled your planned dinner at the last minute
• A thought or a memory of an event – You remembered the insults that you endured as an intern in your first company and feel angry; you feel worried about the exams that you need to take next month.

It is not healthy to suppress the emotions at the same time it is practically not possible to be in control of emotions all the time either. What is recommended is to learn to regulate your emotions in such a way that they don’t overwhelm you at the same time not lose their value and significance in your life.

In this multi-part series I talk about how we can regulate our emotions, in a step by step manner. .

The first step is to be aware.

What do you need to be aware?

The first step in being able to regulate emotions would be to be aware of emotions and the intensity of the emotions experienced.

I recommend making a small notebook for yourself which we can call a journal.

And I would ask you to reflect on each day, perhaps by the end of day or if possible when you are experiencing the strong emotions. I would ask you to be aware of these emotions, identify them and label them with appropriate emotion name and write it down in you journal.

It is not very uncommon that people find it very difficult to identify and label their emotions.  If you are not able to identify your emotions, how would you be able to regulate them?

First of all to identify the emotions and their label you would need to have a good vocabulary of emotion words.

To enable this I usually recommend an emotion words exercise. It goes as follows.

1. Write down all the emotion words that you are aware of and that you are able to relate to with respect to your own emotional experience.
2. Revisit this list at least two to three times in a few days so that you are able to put down all the emotion words that you are possibly aware of.
3. Then you can go online and look for more emotional words on the internet and add to your list the words. Keep adding emotion words that you can relate to.

This list would be your repository for the vocabulary of emotion words which you can refer to whenever you find it difficult to label your emotions.

The next step involves writing down the strong emotions that you experience and the context in which you experience them in your journal, either as and when it happens or by end of day, through a process of reflection and introspection.  This is called Labeling your emotions.

Being aware of the emotions, able to identify the emotions and labeling the emotions – this itself is a significant step in progressing towards regulating your emotions effectively.  It is also possible that by just identifying and naming the emotion itself, the intensity of the emotion can become manageable.

The specific process of emotion regulation is focused in detail in dialectical behaviour therapy. It can also be applied to many other situations where managing emotions can be a significant part of your personal growth.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.

The post Emotion Regulation Part 1 : Knowing your emotions first appeared on Inner Dawn Counselling.