Elder Abuse and Neglect in families – The Hidden Crisis
As Indians, we take pride in being a family-oriented culture. Our families do take precedence and priority in our lives. Parents often make significant sacrifices for their children’s comfort, growth, and progress. Respect for elders is one of the primary values that we were taught as children. Despite that, the instances of elder abuse that are surfacing in the news and media are quite disturbing.
In today’s digital age, not much remains hidden. Visuals that are circulating in the news and media, where elders in the family are being beaten up by their own family members, unwell elderly family members are being abandoned, the elderly are being stripped of their own dignity, rights, and denied basic human needs like food, medical care, and shelter in their own families. These are undoubtedly cases of outright crimes and instances of elder abuse.
Hidden nature of Elder abuse. The role of shame.
Yet for every abuse which is revealed this way, I can only assume that there must be many more which go unnoticed, unreported, which remain hidden, which continue to happen, within the confines of the four walls of what is called a home, a space that is supposed to be safe, and yet the elderly are reduced to a burden and bound to shame. That means so much remains hidden out of sight and goes unreported.
The emotional reality of elders, even if they are financially secure
My mom underwent a significant surgery about 3 months ago. And I stayed with her for the last 3 months to take care of her. Living with my parents, in their environs, gave me an opportunity to get to know their friends and neighbours, their social circle. It shouldn’t have surprised me that about 90% of my mom’s and my dad’s friends’ children all live abroad. I found out that for most of them, the parents and their adult children communicate/talk perhaps once a week or even less.
Some of these senior citizens are healthy, and some are struggling with health issues. Though they try to stay occupied with their activities, social circles, smartphones, and everyday activities, talking with them gave me a sense of a void that they all feel, with respect to the distance (both physical and emotional) from their own adult children and families. Though life expectancy has increased, health and quality of life deteriorate with age. Changing family structures means the elderly are bound to experience loneliness and isolation.
The longing for physical presence and emotional availability from children, not just during serious health issues or bereavement
When there are serious health issues, their children, most of them turn up. But it is painful for the parents to constantly live with this uncertainty, not knowing whether their children will come or not to take care of them. Many times, they come when the parent has passed away.
And among elderly couples, when one of them passes away, it’s incredibly painful for the other to live and manage alone, with limited support from others, especially with their own children being so far away.
The proliferation of Senior Citizens Residences and facilities (marketed as Paradise and the like) shows us a stark mirror of this social reality. That even if there may be financial support/security for elders, yet, there is a dearth of physical presence and emotional availability of their dearest, their grown-up children and grandchildren. No matter how much the elders try to compensate with other aspects of their life or other relatives and friends, the empty look and longing in their faces left me feeling haunted.
The pain of elderly who are dependent on others financially
And for the elderly who are not financially secure and are dependent on their children, unless there is understanding, empathy, and respect from their families, their later life journey can be quite painful and onerous. Without the loving support from their families, their everyday needs can become a challenge and uncertain.
Other subtle forms in which elder abuse/mistreatment shows up
Elder abuse need not happen in such overt terms. It can be subtle neglect, being ignored, disrespect in interactions, or their needs being discounted, among other things. The recent trend of senior citizens looking for therapy for issues like neglect from family, distance from loved ones, disrespect by family members, depression, anxiety, etc., is indicative of a deeper malaise. Though it is positive that they are aware and willing to seek support, it highlights a degradation of some of the fundamental structures of our society, “the family”. It is high time that we open our eyes to it and ask ourselves what we need to do about it.
Inner Dawn counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on Deccan Herald on 14 June 2025.