How to change your behavior that you don’t like?
Many of us have a love hate relationship with ourselves. There are certain aspects of ourselves which we like and certain aspects which we might not like. When it comes to behaviors, definitely we would like certain behaviors that we have and not like certain other ways we behave.
It can be something simple or can be complex. Once you know that you don’t like a particular behavior, and you would want to change, but you are not able to then you might want to try the following approach.
Identify the behavior that you don’t like in yourself and that which you would like to change. Define and detail the behavior clearly and specifically, and what would like to change to. Now generally you would have noticed that, when this unwanted behavior occurs it would not make you feel good about it and you might find yourself saying unpleasant things to yourself.
You can do this step either by yourself or by taking the help of a few friends around you.
Try to find as many advantages or positive outcomes for this unwanted behavior.
For example if you want to wake up early in the morning but you end up waking up late most of the days, the behavior that you don’t like is waking up late/ sleeping till late in the morning.
You already know the disadvantages of sleeping till late in the morning and that is why you want to make a change, and you are finding it difficult.
Advantages of sleeping till late could be
1. It gives you extra rest, and keeps you energetic during the day.
2. Your mood is better throughout the day.
3. Maybe you are a nice person and your productivity is better later in the day.
4. You love yourself and this is one way of giving yourself that extra care.
5. It gives you a chance to stay up late night and take care of your work.
6. It gives you a chance to stay up late night and party and have fun.
Once you identify these positive intentions of your unwanted behavior it helps you accept the behavior, without having to beat yourself up for the same.
Yes it is true that you still want to change the behavior. By accepting it, you take off the pain, that unwanted behavior brings you. And you are giving yourself a real chance and choices to make a real change that would last.
This is called reframing the meaning in NLP language.
Lets us say the behavior that you don’t like is
“I am very risk averse”
Change the context in a way to make this advantageous.
- If you were driving, your passengers will be very safe.
- If you take up any critical work, you will be the safest person to execute it.
By changing the context it gives you a larger context and a different perspective.
This is called context reframe in NLP.
This acceptance allows you to not let your energies get wasted in saying nasty things to yourself or beating yourself up. Once that energy is released, it is available for you, to identify more choices available and make a relevant choice for yourself and take action upon them appropriately.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.