Why is making a change so difficult?
Why is making a change so difficult?
“Change is the only constant in life”
At every stage of life we do undergo a lot of changes. But still change seems to be a scary word for many of us.
What really makes us scared of change what really makes change so difficult?
Though the change may be beneficial for us, we would still prefer to stick on to the pre-established patterns of maladaptive behaviors, unhelpful thought processes, troublesome personal or professional circumstances, because we are comfortable with it, though it might be disadvantageous or even damaging for us. Change leads us to the unknown and to tread the unknown can be scary.
As a matter of fact, making a change is easy. The difficult part is, to make the change last – for a long period of time – that is what I would call a “Transformation”. A change could be superficial, that could be induced by somebody else; it can be enabled by a reward or a threat. But unless the motivation is intrinsic to the person the change remains superficial and does not last. When the motivation is intrinsic, and when the change happens from inside the person, it becomes a transformation – a real lasting change.
To understand why achieving a lasting change is difficult, let us look at the five stages one goes through when real change needs to happen.
Pre-contemplation
At this stage the person is not even thinking about changing their behaviour or thought process or action. They might be in denial of the existence of the problem, or the severity of the problem. They are not fully conscious of the problem. Even if someone tells them that there is a problem that they are having they may not accept or might think that the other person is exaggerating it.
Contemplation
At this stage the person has is willing to consider the possibility that they have a problem, but not completely convinced that they need to make a change. It is a significant decision that they would need to make, to successfully accomplish the change. At this stage if they are able to think about the advantages and disadvantages of their problem and the change that they need to make, it is possible for them to make this decision.
They might feel that change is too difficult, rather they can manage with their problem situation and may decide not to go forward with the change.
Preparation or determination
Finally the person has decided to go through with the change. They also understand the need for the change and what the change can give them in a positive manner. This is a stage for them to plan in a realistic manner and to commit to the change.
This is a time to set SMART Goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time bound). Preparation also includes panning for contingencies.
But it is also possible that, if they are not prepared adequately then the attempt to change could possibly fail. Also if the goals are not realistic, or achievable, the motivation is impacted negatively.
Action
At this stage the person actually starts implementing the change that they want to accomplish. Support from others or self, motivations, reinforcements, rewards could help them stay the course in the action stage.
But at this stage if they are put under pressure to accelerate the change in terms of frequency or volume or activities etc, then they may go back into resisting the change. The support needs to be adequate and at the same time not excessive either.
If they face any major difficulties in this stage, or are unable to stick to their commitments completely, they may go back to the contemplation stage.
Maintenance
The new pattern of behaviour has been now built over a period of time now this change has to be sustain consistently.
Consistency becomes a challenge here. The initial motivation levels needs to be sustained and the benefits assessed and acknowledged. The change also could have brought up some disadvantages.
Termination
Now the change has been clearly established and maintaining the change is not an effort consuming activity anymore.
At any of the stages, the person can go back to the contemplation stage and may give up the change, considering it to be too difficult or that the advantages of the change are not as attractive any more.
Talking to a professional counsellor can facilitate your journey towards real lasting changes that you are seeking for yourself or in your relationships or circumstances.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/realationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.