Does what we tell ourselves matter?
Definitely yes. What we tell ourselves significantly matters both in the positive as well as a negative ways.
Research says it is easier for our minds to get into the negative rut and its lot more difficult for us to get out of it and move back onto the positive way of thinking. So it makes it all the more essential for us to recognize the negative thought patterns and try to get out of them at the earliest as possible. What we tell ourselves which is typically termed as self talk, has a significant influence in terms of our overall thought patterns and behaviour.
As a psychologist, I would explain it as – our thoughts are connected to our emotions; our thoughts, emotions are connected to our behaviour. And these influence each other in multiple ways and all these three influence how our body physically reacts as well. So it is imperative for us to identify understand what we tell ourselves, especially the negative self talk.
Life does pose its own set of challenges towards us in the real world in a real sense. And these challenges need to be addressed as and when necessary and as and when it is possible for us to deal with them. But apart from these, there are a whole lot of challenges that we pose ourselves, by way of what we tell ourselves. What we tell ourselves gets internalized over a period of time and we start believing it very strongly and it becomes part of our belief system and we start behaving accordingly. If I keep telling myself that I am not good enough or I am not lovable, over period of time this negative self talk gets internalized and I start believing it strongly. And our overall thought patterns get distorted to filter out only those aspects of life which match our belief system, in this case – the negative way that we believe about ourselves, and reinforce those beliefs.
When what we tell ourselves, is significantly on the negative side, it is a significant contributor to depression as well as, maintains a depression if you already susceptible to it. So, how to deal with it?
Take some time to Check the Validity of your negative self talk:
Take a few minutes to identify and analyse your self-talk. To ask yourself, is it really really true? Are there no other explanations for the situation or for this behaviour which might be more realistic? How irrational is what I am telling myself?
Practice Self compassion:
We are very good at being compassionate with others, when the other person is in trouble. We do have kind words to tell them but we reserve the harshest words to ourselves. Ask yourself will I use the same harsh words and criticism to a very close friend of mine?
Gain some perspective:
Perspective is a particular attitude towards or a way of looking at something or point of view. It is possible for us to shift a perspective regarding a given situation by looking at it from a different angle.
You can read more on gaining perspective in my previous article over here.
Practice pleasant self conversations:
Start a practice today to have pleasant conversations with ourselves, to say nice things to ourselves, to reminisce the good times that we have had, that we have been fortunate to have in our lives. To tell ourselves and recognize the gratitude that we feel for the good things that we have had a chance to experience in our lives.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/realationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to help clients explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.