In today’s world of fast paced life, rat race and social media dependent self worth, having real conversations have taken a back seat and for many people, it doesn’t even happen often. This leads to superficial conversations, small talk filled time, browsing the internet for posts or videos for filling any free time and video games to cope with emotions and life situations.
With couples, whether they are in a relationship or marriage, this trend is seen more and more. They forget to have real conversations and over a period of time forget how to have real conversations. Unable to share real emotions, fears and dreams, emotional intimacy gets eroded over a period of time and this can also affect their satisfaction in other relationship aspects as well.
Couples would talk, but most of the talk might revolve around every day maintenance talk about groceries, schedule, food, children etc. Not giving enough time to have real conversations will affect the quality of the relationship over time.
1. Make time for real conversations:
I always recommend couples to identify atleast 30 min of their busy schedule for each other to have real conversations. Find time that is private that works for the both of you to talk. Make this time for each other for yourself as a couple. You both deserve this quality time for each other.
2. What to talk about?
Many couples ask me what to talk about ? Well, I tell them – talk about anything. Share about what you did during the day at work or at home, who you interacted with in the day. What interested you in your childhood and what interests you now. Talk about what you read today or what you learnt. Share a funny joke that you read about. Ask about your partners day and listen to them with interest, appreciate your partners progress or achievements. Once you start talking there will be a 100 things that you can talk with each other. Understanding the importance of these conversations is crucial and to have the discipline to stick to it.
3. It is connection not a competition:
You might do different types of work may have completely different experiences. Remember it is not a competition. Keep away from sarcasm, put-downs, contempt and disrespect, they are killers of communication, affection, sharing, intimacy and relationships.
4. Share thoughts, feelings and emotions:
Yes you can watch a movie, do activities together , give gifts etc to show your love and affection. But having real conversations help you know each other better, to feel comfortable sharing both good and bad things, makes it easier to ask for and get emotional support from each other etc.
5. Talk and Listen – politely and respectfully with interest:
So put your phones away and switch off that TV. Make time and space for your conversations with each other. If convenient go to a coffee shop or a park bench and spend some time. Talk and listen politely and respectfully. Talk to each other, every day – every single day. Talk about important and not so important things. Talk about your fears your dreams. Share your feelings and emotions. Listen to your partner. Validate them, celebrate them. Take the route to intimacy in your relationship.